so this is it

i woke up hoping it was just all some nightmare i dream of. 

but the pounding headache and puffy eyes remind me how real it is. 

it sucks. i'm so sad..

thank goodness i have amazing friends who are willing to drive down from salt lake just to come cuddle me and hold me as full emotion set in. and another incredible friend who went to the creepy gas station just to come over too. 

5/30 things: happiest

1. perspective

when i get those glimpses of eternal perspective and i catch the hand of the Lord, life is great. although i don't always agree with the church and it's stances on certain things, it's nice to know that there is some plan for us. i can't believe that we call it quits when our bodies hit the grave. it gives me peace of mind, love, and happiness. but i do very strongly believe you can be happy without the church. everyone has their own way of making sense of this crazy, confusing, compelling world.

(check that alliteration out) 

2.running

the burning feeling in the back of your throat on a cold day, or when your calves are screaming as you trek up a hill are perfect for any bad day. 

3. people

i love being alone, but not ever lonely. the fact that i have a best friend who i can call or text at any given time and she acts like my own personal therapist is amazing. :)

4. pie

i. love. pie. chocolate silk from village inn makes me so happy. birthday pie over birthday cake any day

5. writing

my journal or blog have never talked back to me. they just take everything i dish out to them and it is superb. writing is the one place i can just say everything in my mind, and no one judges me. i just do what i want, say what i want, and make all the HP references that my heart wants to without being called "crazy" :) 

4/30 things: sixteen

advice i would give my 16 year old self. 

huh, well considering that was only two years ago, a lot has changed. 

1. i would tell 16-year old me to not be so shy. high school is so much more fun when you're involved. go to dances, join teams. because cross country was the best choice i made in high school.

2. be careful with who you call your best friend. those people who you never really expected to stick around for long, will turn out to be your best friends later on

3. write what you want in people's yearbooks.  no one actually reads them, might as well have fun. hah i think i wrote "i'll make this quick.  lets kiss" in a friends..

4. skipping class is fun, oh so worth it, but not. go to class. get good grades. stay in school. it saves you money, gas, and a whole lot of heartache come end of term.

5. try to be remembered as something positive, not the girls who almost didn't walk. when your principal says "oh girls..college won't be that much different than high school for you guys. you'll go to class when it's convenient for you." you have a problem 

6. don't give your phone number to the soccer player in your seminary class. he just wants your best friends number. ouch.

this man

sometimes pinterest shows you something that you just have to share with everyone. 

or everyone who reads this

this man wrote the most amazing vows to his wife that i think i melted just reading them.

" I will kill the spiders. I will share my fries with you when you've finished all yours and are still hungry. I won't ever pop my collar. I will never be rude to your tummy-when i hear it growl and gurgle, I promise to bend down and reply respectfully. I will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. I will kiss the paper cuts and door-slammed finger and the counter-bumped hip. I will try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. I will be the big spoon. I will let you win at wresting. Sometimes. Other times i will not. I will send you random texts and leave you silly gifts. Not always. Not on schedule. Just whenever I want to. Whenever I think you need one. Or seven. I will check your tire pressure. And remind you to take your car in. I will hold your hand. I will love you. I will love you. I will love you."

love is real. even if Jef with one f and Emily broke up. 

3/30 things: parents

i LOOOOOOVE my parents. 

it wasn't always this way though. i remember when i was 14 i was willing to do anything just to piss my parents off. and looking back, i'm not quite sure why. 

but as i've gotten older, i see a method to all the madness. 

my mom is amazing. she is sort of more like my friend than a mom. i joke around with her and do weird things, like dance in my underwear, when it's just us. she always looks at me and just gives me this look that says "oh God..where did i go wrong?" when we fight, all hell breaks loose. i guess it's one of those things that come with being mexican. we yell. i love my momma so much though. 

my pops is one cool cat. i've always been a little scared of him. mostly when he's mad. oh boy...when he's mad, his looks alone make me cry. but being daddy's little girl has it's perks. he's not always willing to hear me out but when we agree, it's quite grand. my dad is the kind of person who doesn't show affection all that much. so it's hard to know when he's happy. usually, during my sparring matches i've heard he's one of my loudest cheerleaders. but i'm a little busy...so i never notice really. but despite everything, he's always been willing to support me in everything that we both agree on. 

these two are incredible. there are so many attributes that i want to take from their parenting skills when i raise my own kiddos. i couldn't ask for better parents. 

just a thought

history tends to repeat itself. 

i mean jelly shoes were totally a thing in the 80's. 

until recently, everyone and their dog decided they wanted some. so here in 2012, we're bringing back the jellies. 

back in our grandparents day, race was a huge deal. i mean blacks couldn't even drink out of the same drinking fountain as the whites. we all look back on it now and we're almost embarrassed at how members of our very own families reacted to it all. now, race is still an issue but no where near the same extend as it was in the 50's. 

love one another right?

i can't help but wonder what it is we're going to be doing that is going to be looked back on and our grandkids are going to be thinking "what the heck was wrong with them..? why would you treat anyone like that? what makes it okay?"

 the more i think about it, the more i think it's how we treat marriage. i personally think that anyone who wants to get married should be allowed. it's a civil ceremony therefore, it should be a civil right. 

i also think there's a way we can allow those rights while still protecting the temple. i don't understand why everyone is so against it. if two individuals love each other, then why are we denying them the same rights as anybody else? 

2/30 things:fears

i'm deathly afraid of spiders. 

i don't really know where this fear came from but i've always found them to be gross. when i was in preschool, this girl i still know to this day, was playing with a daddy long leg. it was crawling up and down her legs and she'd hold it and ew. it was just so gross to me. then, we lived in this ghetto apartment when i was little, and spiders all over the place. i'd wake up with spider bites all over my legs and one time my face. i was petrified. they're just so gross and it makes me want to cry. i am willing to call of a wedding even, if the guy i chose to marry won't squish my spiders. it's not something huge, but to me, it means the world and a half.

rejection. i think that to some extent everyone has this fear. not everyone is 100 percent comfortable with themselves 100 percent of the time.
i've seen how devastating rejection can be on someone. so whenever i feel like it could happen, i get out of the situation as fast as possible. that might be why i never last very long in relationships. i'm scared of letting someone know every detail about me then have them leave. i think that's why i tend to close off or just not even open up. it's easier to for me to move on knowing there was so much of me they didn't know, i didn't share anything too personal. it doesn't matter how long a relationship is, i've been in one with myself for so much longer. at the end of the day if i don't look after myself, who will? but it's nice to know that there are genuinely nice people around.

regret. i don't want to look back when i'm old and realize i had a life full of "what if's" i want to be able to look back and have tons of stories from all the adventures i went on and all the cool people i met. i remember one time that i felt regret at it's fullest. it was on the way back from a run, i was pacing with varsity and we were back to the school by now. we were crossing the fields, and i was exhausted. so i fell back and finished with the jv girls. i was so mad at myself. i was so close. and i didn't finish. i know it's not a huge thing to regret, but the feeling afterwards makes me never want to regret anything much larger ever.

30 things: 20 random facts about myself

1. i love taylor swift 

2. i am a strong believer in karma

3. getting letters in the mail is super exciting

4. nail polish and bubble baths will fix just about anything

5. i am a registered voter of this united state

6. i have 4 wisdom teeth.. i knew i was wise for a reason

7. i think i would be a cat lady if i wasn't allergic to them..so i guess i'll be a china doll lady or maybe even married..

8. running in cold weather makes me happy

9. before i sparr, i like to eat costa

10. third grade was brutal 

11. in preschool, brian something called me Dumbo

12. i love blog stalking

13. i have 3 very obvious best friends and i love them all 

14. i'm a little freaked out about dying. i don't want to look back and see all the opportunities i missed or people i hurt 

15. if i could pick any era to live in, i'd say the 20's. strictly based off style.

16. when my runs are longer than an hour, something's wrong

17. i like cleaning..

18. i no longer have a  "I wonder what it would be like if i ever saw them again" list

19. i finally joined the colored jeans trend

20. i like book stores. i could go into debt to barns and noble 

in the real world

because my some of my best friends are the girls i ran cross with, 

a few of them are still in high school. 

i constantly find myself thinking 

" i am SO OLD." 

so much has changed in so little time

my best missionary friend left over a year ago, 

i was in high school, 

i was so certain moving out was going to be so easy, 

the list could go on.

i went to college thinking the same thing.

" i am SO OLD"

then it hit me...

in any of my not freshman classes, i'm the baby.

there is so much for me to learn from those around  me.

those who've been there, done that and everything. 

it's crazy to think that there are people who consider me a baby, when i like to think i'm a big, bad, eighteen year old 

it's not that so much has changed physically..

like i still look the same as i did in high school i think..

senior pictures...

and now 

i look the same i think..

but i think so so SO much of me is so different and i love who i think i'm becoming.

i'm a baby in the real world, and i cannot wait to see who i end up being. 

come what may and love it. 

that moment when..

ever since i was little, i always thought of UVU as the "loser college" 

at the time it was a junior college and not very cool. 

i remember saying "mom. i will go to BYU before UVU" 

and guess where i ended up..

UVU. 

i did a ton of credits in high school, but i didn't quite finish an associates degree. so instead of bargaining with the U, i decided that i would put off my dream school for a little and be smart. i'm at UVU finishing up an associates. i'm 28 credits short. so two more semesters after this one. honestly, its so hard being at the loser school. i love the fact that i'm done with class by one at the latest,  my classes are fairly easy and a few of the people i've been brave enough to talk to are nice. but i don't love it. i'm not having the time of my life. it honestly sucks a little bit. 

but that moment when it all starts falling together a lot better than you could have ever hoped for is amazing. 

i love my major. oh so very much. biology. a few years ago, i never would have imagined that i'd be a biology major. but i'm loving it. it's something that both me and my parents agree on. then i figured out what i want to minor in. exercise science and outdoor recreation. something that i honestly am interested in and i think it'll just be fun. 

the wonderful part of all this, is that when i transfer to the U in two semesters, it's all going to work out. the U has an amazing science program and it's not like my major and minor are too far off. they're close enough related that i think it'll be good. and i guess if i'm not married by the time i get my bachelors, i'll get my masters. 

basically, it's all coming together so much  nicer than i could have hoped for. i'm a little scared about what my future holds, but no good story ever began with "this one time at my parents house.." i am stoked. 

choices

if the world worked the way i wanted, football season would've ended yesterday. 

i'm a horrible person for wanting taylor's team to lose.

whatever. i don't care anymore.

but of course. life never goes the way you want it. so guess what. 

they won!

woot woot!! go bruin football!!

and i really am glad they won.. promise

but it just means another little bit of no taylor. 

but then i thought of something 

"why am i almost all bummed and what not..? he likes football. well sorta. and they just won a game! i should be happy they're not last in the region. and if i'm upset, then what? nothing changes. football season will still go on, and nothing gets changed." 

so i decided that i'm not going to sweat it. i have mid terms to worry about and it's not like i won't see taylor ever again. 

then i woke up to a lovely text from brinks. 

"chose to make today a good one.." 

(of course there was more, but i don't feel like sharing with the rest of the world)

and i was like ya! today is gonna rock,because i'm going to make it.

so i got pretty for school, i was on time, found awesome parking, finished my paper, and i'm just waiting until my next class starts mindlessly loving today. because i made it a good one.

thank goodness for amazing friends:) 

secret hick

i have always had a secret love of  country music.

every song is like a story. and i get my country fix through the dixie chicks and luke bryan. 

every now and again i stumble across a song that describes a situation perfectly.

 this song. happy valley. 

just listen. 

i will be mrs. boyce avenue someday. 

cause miss swift does it best

britt and britt

this weekend was fabulous. 

on friday, i spent the night at my besties house up in salt lake.

and i've decided that i love the city. 

something about 9th and 9th was incredible. 

a cute hippie shop, gelatto, a yoga studio..all on the same street.

and a few blocks north; a cupcake shop. 

ah yes. 

it just has this small town vibe, with the big city feel. 

everything is in walking distance, but trax are a few blocks north and there's the rest of salt lake. waiting to be explored.

what better way to explore a city when you both look totally adorbs?

the whole day had been rainy and we weren't sure if lagoon was going to be possible. so after costa vida, we called and they said it was still open..so off we went.

on our way to lagoon we saw this..

"poor ched!! why did they hit him???

oh wait..they're HITCHED..like married..oops.."

we got there like 3 minutes after they opened then realized it was because it was raining..

pre-rain. lookin good :) 

oops i'm cute? i think yes. 

look! rain!!

lagoon in the rain was amazing! no lines, front row parking and we went on every single ride. when we first got there we tried wiping the seats dry, but there came a point when you realized that your panties were soaked either way. 

the only down fall was that the frightmare characters walking around remember you when there's less than 100 people in the whole park. they follow you and try to talk to you..and basically, in a clown or zombie apocalypse , britt and i would be screwed. we'll fight off rapists before we have to go near clowns. 

after a few hours, we were exhausted. nothing sounded better then sweats and food. here is the aftermath

 wet dogs much?

during lunch, jake texted britt and asked if she wanted to go over for dinner. she filled him in, and he was totally cool with me tagging along. so we got fed papa murphy's after a long day of playing in the rain. 

but before we went to dinner, we hit up jess and josh's place. they're the ones we all went to powell with! i love them!:) 

only thing is that i almost died.. 

they have a cat. mateo. he is ADORABLE. when we were downstairs, they had a pad laying out so britt and i collapsed. i was face down trying to get warm. when my eyes start itching..my nose starts stuffing..and my throat starts to close off..i inhaled cat hair..oops

i guess i'm a little more allergic then i figured. 

15 minutes later, i had an itchy puffy eyeball, (just one) a stuffy nose, and a man voice. 

good thing we were headed to dinner with another one of my ex's.. 

once we got there, it wasn't as bad as i thought i'd be.. i pulled off an "oops i'm cute and look like a wet dog" look..

jake is actually super nice now a days, really kinda funny, and smells good. and gave me medicine for my allergies. snaps for saving my life jakey! easton was there too. party hats and button ups all around!

after dinner, we watched V for Vendetta, and about 5 minutes in, i was out. i kept on zoning in and out throughout the entire movie..and then i was being poked in the face at 1:30. 

yay for nice ex boyfriends who feed you:) 

then when i got home, i went to starbucks with britt:) a different one:) 

this britt i met when i was like 12. i was a beehive and she was a senior. and she was down for a wedding and we got together and just talked. i like her lots:) i remember thinking she was so cool. she was the cool senior -laurel on dance company at the high school. oh. my. heck. 

and now she's the cute itty bitty married britt with a super duper tall hubby. and they are adorbs. (in pictures mostly. because that's all the stalking i do. but i'm positive they're adorbs in person too) 

basically, this weekend was such a wonderful way start off a new week. yes, refreshed and ready to take on mid terms in a week. 

i made peace with everyone on my "i wonder what it would be like if i ever saw them again" list. every single person. 

1. tony

2. jake

3. easton

salt lake is fabulous. 

because i found it

because carrie bradshaw knew what she was talking about 

 

because everyone loves a slutty cop on halloween 

because every girl need a bestie with breasties

because brides maids is hilarious 

because ellen is hilarious 100 percent of the time

and so is daily grace

flash back

today i went to juice n' java with the ex. 

this is the ex. 

vegas 2010. u.s. open 

when my team merged with his, i remember walking in and thinking "oh hey..he's cute. he's going to be my boyfriend sooner or later." and what do ya know.. he was.

we competed in forms. so basically, we spent hours upon hours working on our forms together in front of mirrors. and eventually, we went to the biggest international open in the world...and got our sorry 16 year old butts handed to us. 

after a sticky breakup, we lost touch. clean break ya know? he went to orem and i was at mountain view. i didn't hear from him in two solid years and i'd see him occasionally at a cross race. but not too long ago he facebooked me and we talked for a little..or maybe until two in the morning. and it was just all about the "good times." something about being 16 was just so fun for us. and it was nice. i was able to get closure that i was certain i didn't need for two years. it was okay. he didn't hate me. we were civil. all is well. 

then today, guess who i get a text from..? 

the ex...

so since he's the ex, i HAD to look good. like "oops i'm cute..sorry i've moved on" cute. 

messy curls, skinny jeans, loose purple high-low cut shirt.

oops..i'm cute...:) 

"hey i'm in orem for today and tomorrow..and i'm down to do whatever."

well okay.. so i was like 

"who is this..?"

because i didn't have his number. and after introductions, we agreed that coffee tonight was the plan. 

normally, coffee get togethers are simple.

1. meet at coffee shop

2. get drinks

3. talk about nothing until drinks are gone

4. depart 

this one was a little different..

one dirty chai later, and we ended up at some park talking about our "good old days." then we ended up walking around the river bottoms for a solid half hour. mind you, it was freezing. 

again, all we have in common two years later, was out relationship...that neither one of us is wanting to bring up.. me because there's nothing left in the past..him..i don't know..and i'm not sure i ever will.

this whole thing made me realize how i'm incredibly happy i have taylor. he puts up with me when i think with my ovaries..and cry every other day..and he cuddles me..and he holds my hand and kisses my forehead.. and gives me his coat when i'm cold. he just takes care of me:) and i think that today, i had a major breakthrough with our relationship. i was able to actually word what i'm thinking. i was able to follow my thought process and let him know. because usually, i'm so caught up in crying that i don't remember. but i did today! and no tears.:)  month five has been anything but easy.. here's to month six:)

all too true.. don't sweat the small stuff..

sister sanchez

i think i was the only girl in utah county that didn't facebook the new age requirement for missions...

i think it's incredible that so many girls are so eager to go and serve, and that so many young men are prepared to submit their papers early and go off to work. it's awesome. there is nothing cooler than going to farewells and seeing individuals give up 2 years of their lives to go serve the Lord. 

but then that leaves me...and...well...myself and i. 

i think i'm one of like two girls who aren't really affected by the new rule. 

and i'm already getting questions like "when are you turning in your papers??!" "when do you turn 19???" "where do you want to go???" it's almost like i don't have a choice not to around here. 

but i'm ali sanchez, and i'm not serving a mission. i want to go to school and find out who i am. i don't feel like i know the gospel enough to go and teach. i'm freaking out at the idea of teaching my sunbeams next sunday.. and i don't necessarily think it makes me any less of a good member of the church if i don't serve. it's just not for me.. i know the Lord has a plan for me. 

game changer?

in my patriarchal blessing, it says that i will  have the opportunity to share the gospel through a calling or even a mission calling. 

i turn 19 in less than 3 months. 

before this news, my game plan was not a mission. it was going to school (it says something about knowledge in my blessing too) and then getting married in the temple..and being a working mom. my mommy was one and i feel like me and my sister turned out just fine.

but so far i feel like conference has been highly focused on families and missionary work. 

i am terrified. 

and i'm almost scared to pray about it because i know i'm not ready right now, and i'm afraid of getting a certain answer. 

i almost feel like this whole conference has been for me...everything was just what i needed to hear. 

it has been quite the weekend filled with many, many random crying fits. thank goodness i have friends to call at midnight and a boyfriend who comes over and lets me cry on him and tells me everything's gonna be okay:) 

missy russell is amazing

pretty cool eh?

this one is my absolute favorite 

gnarly :)

this is sick. check the hair:) but not so much the face haha

absolutely love this. again, not the face...

nothing better

there honestly is nothing better than making it through Thursday. 

english was fun. as usual. 

i came home after what seemed to be the longest week of my life, 

called up my best friend had just vented for a solid half hour. 

we agreed that we both earned cookie dough after our week. 

so what did i do next?

went to target and bought myself a whole roll of cookie dough..

:) 

then tonight, we used the electronic system during sparring class. 

so we actually keep score. 

even though it's still technically class, everyone who spars is just so chill and it's fun to just play. 

i won both of my rounds. landed a few solid head kicks and figured out what i need to do to make all my head kicks score. 

gnarly. 

after such a emotional week, it's an amazing feeling to realize that  there are so many people in my life who truly love me and are there to catch me when i fall. :) 

now, i am more than ready for a weekend filled with cookie dough, movies and blankets. 

so tired

6 weeks into the semester and i feel like i'm going to die. 

there is always some reading to do..some paper to write...some math problem that needs solving..

and never enough time for me to sleep...

i feel like i'm dying. 

last weekend i seriously spent all weekend in bed..sleeping..and it was incredible. 

physically, i feel exhausted. my head is constantly pounding. i feel all gross and pre periody..that was prolly too much info...oh well 

mentally, i'm not as worn down as the rest of me

emotionally, i feel like i'm walking on egg shells with myself. at any moment i  might start crying and i just don't know.. no one gets it. and the only person that does lives in salt lake..guess who has expired plates and no gas. this one. so a mini road trip is out of the question. 

"how are you doing?"

"fine.."

no i'm not fine.. i need a hug and i just wanna spend my weekend curled up on my couch watching p.s. i love you, the notebook and harry potter. i need me a good crying shesh. and chocolate. that would help too. 

usually i'm the one taking care of others..and i am very capable of taking care of myself. i have for well..18 years. i can get by with very minimal emotionally from others. but i am just so run down and exhausted and i don't even know why.. i just need someone to tell me it's going to be okay and that i'll get through this.. i can't do it alone anymore...

who's a baby...?

this one...  

"i never imagined we'd end like this"

taylor swift knew what she was talking about when she sang 

last kiss.

"all that i know is that i don't know how to be something you miss" 

i guess all anyone ever wants is to know they're making an impact in someone's life..something they're doing..or something.. to know they aren't just another person on the streets. to know they're accomplishing what they always dreamed of. 

i think that i always want to leave a positive impression. .to be the kind of person that people remember and want to be with. in all aspects of my life. school, sports, dating...

the scariest thing in the world is realizing what an impact you made on someone. realizing that you really aren't just another person that came and went in someone's life. to know that you made such a big impression that two years later they still ask how you are and how you are..what you're up to...and what not..

i guess that's what we're all trying to figure out.

how to be something you miss..

whoever "you" may be in the end...

because boyce avenue does it better..