7/30 things: job

my dream job would be me sitting in some incredible cute little office watching millions of youtube videos finding cool bands and stuff, 

with an assistant who brought me tea and hot coco oh and cinnamon rolls whenever i asked. 

is that a thing??

meet my current obsessions 

i finally jumped onto this whole imagine dragons band wagon, and i''m a little super sad that i didn't sooner. i love theeeeeeeem 

these too. i feel so indy hipster listening to them  with my flower print pants on sippin on a pumpkin spice latte writing a paper on the election. 

6/30 Things: hardest

the hardest thing i've ever gone through. 

maybe when i didn't get asked to prom junior year..

or getting a  stress fracture my senior cross country season..

almost not walking at graduation..

getting grounded on my graduation night..

or maybe even getting asked to prom 2 days before the dance.

but with all of those it's all been something materialistic. 

dresses..graduation...parties..

i've never been really hurt by anyone so i always thought it was super easy to forgive and forget. but learning to forgive someone who wasn't supposed to hurt you ever is the hardest. by far. the worst part is when all i want to do is scream "this is YOUR fault. ALL YOUR fault. YOU ruined EVERYTHING." 

but the reality is that it's never any one person's fault. the moment when you realize you have to take ownership of what you did sucks because it clicks. it wasn't all his fault. he didn't ruin everything. i contributed.. 

this whole forgiveness is hard. but i feel like good things come from hard stuff. 

5/30 things: happiest

1. perspective

when i get those glimpses of eternal perspective and i catch the hand of the Lord, life is great. although i don't always agree with the church and it's stances on certain things, it's nice to know that there is some plan for us. i can't believe that we call it quits when our bodies hit the grave. it gives me peace of mind, love, and happiness. but i do very strongly believe you can be happy without the church. everyone has their own way of making sense of this crazy, confusing, compelling world.

(check that alliteration out) 

2.running

the burning feeling in the back of your throat on a cold day, or when your calves are screaming as you trek up a hill are perfect for any bad day. 

3. people

i love being alone, but not ever lonely. the fact that i have a best friend who i can call or text at any given time and she acts like my own personal therapist is amazing. :)

4. pie

i. love. pie. chocolate silk from village inn makes me so happy. birthday pie over birthday cake any day

5. writing

my journal or blog have never talked back to me. they just take everything i dish out to them and it is superb. writing is the one place i can just say everything in my mind, and no one judges me. i just do what i want, say what i want, and make all the HP references that my heart wants to without being called "crazy" :) 

4/30 things: sixteen

advice i would give my 16 year old self. 

huh, well considering that was only two years ago, a lot has changed. 

1. i would tell 16-year old me to not be so shy. high school is so much more fun when you're involved. go to dances, join teams. because cross country was the best choice i made in high school.

2. be careful with who you call your best friend. those people who you never really expected to stick around for long, will turn out to be your best friends later on

3. write what you want in people's yearbooks.  no one actually reads them, might as well have fun. hah i think i wrote "i'll make this quick.  lets kiss" in a friends..

4. skipping class is fun, oh so worth it, but not. go to class. get good grades. stay in school. it saves you money, gas, and a whole lot of heartache come end of term.

5. try to be remembered as something positive, not the girls who almost didn't walk. when your principal says "oh girls..college won't be that much different than high school for you guys. you'll go to class when it's convenient for you." you have a problem 

6. don't give your phone number to the soccer player in your seminary class. he just wants your best friends number. ouch.

3/30 things: parents

i LOOOOOOVE my parents. 

it wasn't always this way though. i remember when i was 14 i was willing to do anything just to piss my parents off. and looking back, i'm not quite sure why. 

but as i've gotten older, i see a method to all the madness. 

my mom is amazing. she is sort of more like my friend than a mom. i joke around with her and do weird things, like dance in my underwear, when it's just us. she always looks at me and just gives me this look that says "oh God..where did i go wrong?" when we fight, all hell breaks loose. i guess it's one of those things that come with being mexican. we yell. i love my momma so much though. 

my pops is one cool cat. i've always been a little scared of him. mostly when he's mad. oh boy...when he's mad, his looks alone make me cry. but being daddy's little girl has it's perks. he's not always willing to hear me out but when we agree, it's quite grand. my dad is the kind of person who doesn't show affection all that much. so it's hard to know when he's happy. usually, during my sparring matches i've heard he's one of my loudest cheerleaders. but i'm a little busy...so i never notice really. but despite everything, he's always been willing to support me in everything that we both agree on. 

these two are incredible. there are so many attributes that i want to take from their parenting skills when i raise my own kiddos. i couldn't ask for better parents. 

2/30 things:fears

i'm deathly afraid of spiders. 

i don't really know where this fear came from but i've always found them to be gross. when i was in preschool, this girl i still know to this day, was playing with a daddy long leg. it was crawling up and down her legs and she'd hold it and ew. it was just so gross to me. then, we lived in this ghetto apartment when i was little, and spiders all over the place. i'd wake up with spider bites all over my legs and one time my face. i was petrified. they're just so gross and it makes me want to cry. i am willing to call of a wedding even, if the guy i chose to marry won't squish my spiders. it's not something huge, but to me, it means the world and a half.

rejection. i think that to some extent everyone has this fear. not everyone is 100 percent comfortable with themselves 100 percent of the time.
i've seen how devastating rejection can be on someone. so whenever i feel like it could happen, i get out of the situation as fast as possible. that might be why i never last very long in relationships. i'm scared of letting someone know every detail about me then have them leave. i think that's why i tend to close off or just not even open up. it's easier to for me to move on knowing there was so much of me they didn't know, i didn't share anything too personal. it doesn't matter how long a relationship is, i've been in one with myself for so much longer. at the end of the day if i don't look after myself, who will? but it's nice to know that there are genuinely nice people around.

regret. i don't want to look back when i'm old and realize i had a life full of "what if's" i want to be able to look back and have tons of stories from all the adventures i went on and all the cool people i met. i remember one time that i felt regret at it's fullest. it was on the way back from a run, i was pacing with varsity and we were back to the school by now. we were crossing the fields, and i was exhausted. so i fell back and finished with the jv girls. i was so mad at myself. i was so close. and i didn't finish. i know it's not a huge thing to regret, but the feeling afterwards makes me never want to regret anything much larger ever.

30 things: 20 random facts about myself

1. i love taylor swift 

2. i am a strong believer in karma

3. getting letters in the mail is super exciting

4. nail polish and bubble baths will fix just about anything

5. i am a registered voter of this united state

6. i have 4 wisdom teeth.. i knew i was wise for a reason

7. i think i would be a cat lady if i wasn't allergic to them..so i guess i'll be a china doll lady or maybe even married..

8. running in cold weather makes me happy

9. before i sparr, i like to eat costa

10. third grade was brutal 

11. in preschool, brian something called me Dumbo

12. i love blog stalking

13. i have 3 very obvious best friends and i love them all 

14. i'm a little freaked out about dying. i don't want to look back and see all the opportunities i missed or people i hurt 

15. if i could pick any era to live in, i'd say the 20's. strictly based off style.

16. when my runs are longer than an hour, something's wrong

17. i like cleaning..

18. i no longer have a  "I wonder what it would be like if i ever saw them again" list

19. i finally joined the colored jeans trend

20. i like book stores. i could go into debt to barns and noble