ink'ed

ladies and gents. 

i'm getting a tattoo.

either for the big one nine

or when i move to salt lake.

the way i see it, 

it's a start to a new chapter in my life.

 being independent,

not caring what others think, 

loving myself,

 remembering what myself and others are worth, 

 not judging myself, 

accepting everyone.

 doing what i want, not what i think others want from me. after all, i am the one living with my decisions. even if that makes those around me unhappy.. 

i've always had this weird thing with anchors. i sorta love them. i think part of me is a mermaid. i think the only reason i don't know how to swim is because the craving of the ocean would kill me. i've always loved how the ocean is just there. it doesn't do anything to get attention. it's just going about it's business peacefully..beautifully..mysteriously..

i just love it.  

right now i'm thinking something super small. i don't want anything too flashy. after all this is for me. no one else. 

an anchor on my heel..or side of my foot. 

either brown or white ink..

but the idea is young and there is much time to play around with.

finally

i've decided that mondays are going to be my new favorite day.

or at least second favorite day. 

today, 

i finally got a job

meet your new hostess at the wild mustang grill and bakery

:)

good day eh?

but there was this awkward conversation when i mentioned that if for some reason i never got married, i'd be okay with it. and kels was like "wow. that's a sad life." 

and in my head, it isn't. if for some reason it doesn't work out for me, why would i mope around? i'd get a dog and go play in europe. if i do get married (fingers crossed) then awesome. me and the hubby and puppy will go play in europe. no part of that sounds sad to me..?

i dunno..i just think that it's okay to have a career..and to go play by yourself for a little. but if the right guy asks the question sooner than i figured, i would not hesitate to say yes. i've seen incredible women go to LAW SCHOOL while having a baby. 

also, today i struggled with my math homework..

taylor is in puerto rico..

i'm on my own..

i miss him..

even if i don't see him during the week, it's okay, because he's here. 

he's close-ish.

but now he's super duper far away 

aaaaaaaaaand 

who knows when i'll see him..

hopefully no sharks eat him..

or get attacked by crabs..

i miss him

here goes nothing

you know there's a problem when your doctor talks to you and says 

"hey..maybe you should consider moving out.. it's obvious to see that there's   tension." 

even my doctor noticed how crazy my mother is. 

what's lovely is being promised a tuition check for all of undergrad. witho no strings attached  but then the catch being "as long as you major in what we want and go to school where we want and live at home" 

yesterday my dad even said "as soon as she moves out, we're cutting her off"

woah woah woah. 

i guess it's okay to pay out of state tuition for my cousin, pay for my grandparents to live and everything but your own kid has to be your bih.

i guess that changes everything. there goes study abroad...

oh what else sucks is when you tell your mom how unhappy you are, how you DREAM of going to salt lake, how you feel like the black sheep in your own FAMILY and all you get is "talking to you is a waste of time. you're pathetic" 

gnarly. 

first. i need a job. 

save. save. saaaave. 

then move out.

 and never come back.

here's to the adventure of a life time. 

growing up

in the real world

because my some of my best friends are the girls i ran cross with, 

a few of them are still in high school. 

i constantly find myself thinking 

" i am SO OLD." 

so much has changed in so little time

my best missionary friend left over a year ago, 

i was in high school, 

i was so certain moving out was going to be so easy, 

the list could go on.

i went to college thinking the same thing.

" i am SO OLD"

then it hit me...

in any of my not freshman classes, i'm the baby.

there is so much for me to learn from those around  me.

those who've been there, done that and everything. 

it's crazy to think that there are people who consider me a baby, when i like to think i'm a big, bad, eighteen year old 

it's not that so much has changed physically..

like i still look the same as i did in high school i think..

senior pictures...

and now 

i look the same i think..

but i think so so SO much of me is so different and i love who i think i'm becoming.

i'm a baby in the real world, and i cannot wait to see who i end up being. 

come what may and love it. 

that moment when..

ever since i was little, i always thought of UVU as the "loser college" 

at the time it was a junior college and not very cool. 

i remember saying "mom. i will go to BYU before UVU" 

and guess where i ended up..

UVU. 

i did a ton of credits in high school, but i didn't quite finish an associates degree. so instead of bargaining with the U, i decided that i would put off my dream school for a little and be smart. i'm at UVU finishing up an associates. i'm 28 credits short. so two more semesters after this one. honestly, its so hard being at the loser school. i love the fact that i'm done with class by one at the latest,  my classes are fairly easy and a few of the people i've been brave enough to talk to are nice. but i don't love it. i'm not having the time of my life. it honestly sucks a little bit. 

but that moment when it all starts falling together a lot better than you could have ever hoped for is amazing. 

i love my major. oh so very much. biology. a few years ago, i never would have imagined that i'd be a biology major. but i'm loving it. it's something that both me and my parents agree on. then i figured out what i want to minor in. exercise science and outdoor recreation. something that i honestly am interested in and i think it'll just be fun. 

the wonderful part of all this, is that when i transfer to the U in two semesters, it's all going to work out. the U has an amazing science program and it's not like my major and minor are too far off. they're close enough related that i think it'll be good. and i guess if i'm not married by the time i get my bachelors, i'll get my masters. 

basically, it's all coming together so much  nicer than i could have hoped for. i'm a little scared about what my future holds, but no good story ever began with "this one time at my parents house.." i am stoked. 

swim nemo. swim.

a year ago i was a big fish in a little pond. 

high school.

now, i'm getting thrown into what feels an awful lot like a shark tank. 

college. 

with grad students, married people and rm's desperate to tie the knot.

but then you realize

you find out who you are and what you're made of. 

this is the part we all thought we couldn't wait to get to.

"post-graduation" 

but the more i think about it, i can sum it up into two feelings.

1) excitement like none other. college man:) 

2) i'm so scared that if they called me and told me i owed them another year of high school i'd run to mountain view. then kill myself. 

but mostly, i'm super excited. i mean, i'm growing up. it's for reals. 

for the past 12 years, i've been DYING to know what this really is like..

and here i am..scared out of my mind..

so much, that i almost wanna 

to just about anywhere really. 

maybe hawaii..

or italy.

new york.

somewhere where i can spend all day in a bikini and pretend it's forever july.

and then something clicks..

and you remember to take a deep breath because everything is gonna be okay.

i mean, if nemo can be taken away from his poppa and come back alive; i can survive college. 

so this is really for reals...

so i just got back from my last cross country banquet..

and it's safe to say that this season was one of the most rewarding seasons ever.

joining cross country has been one if not the best choices i've ever made.

i used to wonder what that feeling must've felt like..

knowing that you'll never wear that jersey again..

or race with the same team..

or under the same coaches..

or any of that..

and now, i just kinda wanna cry.

cross took over my life so suddenly and so drastically..i loved it but i hated it all at the same time.

now that it's really over, i want to cry.

i guess growing up really has to happen..

i miss my team already..thinking about next summer how i won't be complaining about summer cross is awesome but heartbreaking at the same time.

the simple sport has ment so much to me over high school and i'm not quite ready to say that my high school distance running career has come to a close..

cross has taught me so much about everything.

"excellence isn't a switch you turn on and off..it affects all aspects of one's life.."

people, running, health, myself, others.

i think that when i grow up, i want to see the world and live all over the place and finish a few of these...

but once i'm old and want to have children, they will run.

:)

 but long before then, i must find a boy who...

best-facebook-taekwondo-road-tripping friends for ever and ever

once upon a time there was a little girl who got beat up in kindergarten. 

her daddy took immediate action and put her into club taekwondo lessons. 

he put her in lessons without any intentions of taking her out any time soon. 

years and years AND years after, this little girl, named ali, started to love it and be somewhat good. 

eventually, thanks to some crazy man who was determined to ruin her life, 

ali had to leave her first tkd studio and venture to find a new one. 

she ended up with these two ladies..

 

(no joke, that's really her...

no.. really.) 

eventually, one of them screwed us over.. and i had to yet, again, move studios. 

this time with a team.

:)

when i showed up to this new place, i noticed this chick at the front of the line..(my spot usually) and i automatically did not like her. not one bit. 

the feeling was mutual tho. 

as soon as i walked into the back room, i gave my coach a glare that could kill. 

i hated him for making me move here. 

i hated that i had to now fight for my new spot.

and after our first class, 

i hated that she was in front of me cause she was older.

AND 

i hated her because her forms were BEAUTIFUL and our teacher commented on it. 

every 3 seconds.

i hated her.
and she hated me.
BUT
before too long,
we became besties :)
take  a look...

we have issues..

we took on vegas:) 

and haunted houses 

vegas:) 

"anything can get done with big boobs."

POCAELLO! 

color fest:) 

besties kick each other in the face before homecoming.
not a big deal
and now, she's leaving for the U!!! AHHH
basically, we're awesome ninja's who have an addiction to coffee.
go us:)
oh and britt, if you come home and we don't get together. i will kill you:)