welcome back

i've got this boy. and he's great. 

he's so great that when we play, it's just us two. 

we're not actively trying to impress one another, we flow. 

it's raw and real and i wouldn't change a thing.

it's comfortable. it's home.

a few weeks ago this boy came up to me at the gym. he was nice and asked for my phone number. so i naturally tried to sneak out before i gave it to him because sometimes i'm THAT girl. the girl who won't tell you she isn't interested up front because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. he caught me at my car and my phone number he got. 

today he asked me to go to dinner. after i had told him i was dating someone else. yogurt and coffee is okay, dinner i feel obligated to sit next to you and possibly be forced into holding your hand. no thank you. so we opted for yogurtland and the best friend came along. 

had it not been for her, we would have sat there in awkward silence. we have nothing in common. and it might be the boy's fault. i've gotten so comfortable with him, i forgot a little how you're supposed to act with normal boys..

all in all, he forgot his wallet, i had mine.

we had nothing in common, 

he's a fair weather Utah fan, 

and wears football jerseys during off season.  

i could not be more happy with my very own boy. this confirmed that  i picked a winner. 

2012, you have been swell

2012 has been one for the books in my opinion.
lets start from the beginning.

JANUARY
as of last year, i am a firm believer that all good years end and start with a new years kiss. last year i kissed this kid right as the ball dropped. it was really cute but kind of super awkward because i was taller than him and my best friends were staring at us right when it all happened.. but i think it gave my year a push in the right direction.
i tested for my 3rd degree black belt.

hardest thing of my life. never will i ever do it again.

FEBRUARY
the whole new years romance had blown up in our faces and we could not stand to be around each other. too bad we had 2 classes with each other every day. for the rest of the year.

MARCH
march was a turning point in what i decided to do with my spare time. i got a pinterest account.
productivity was lost early in the year. but around march,,i went through this "I LOVE ALL THE QUOTES ON PINTEREST" kick and in result, i have pages of awesome quotes in my journal. i think i can pinpoint it to march when i started to finally decide to figure out who i really was as a person. who i wanted to become and how i was going to get there.
i walked in my very first dress show!:)

ugliest dress of my life.

 i have random songs that i fell in love with all through out the year.
march was belle and sebastian.

APRIL
my world was sort of turned upside down.
"Hey Ali. Sorry this took so long, but I kinda did figure it was my fault we broke up. I'd give you a full apology but this damn thing is limiting me. Hope you're taking good care of Joe."
after a year, jake duros, once again, reared his head into my life.
i met up with him one day when i was supposed to be at an AP spanish review and..we kissed. again. i was just so confused about everything. i liked him, but i didn't like him enough to try to make a long distance relationship work. but he was trying so hard to make this different. he kept saying "lets not have another break up." and he offered to spend prom with me, because at the time, i was still dateless and i missed out on my jr prom because we broke up 3 weeks before. i remember almost crying..and agreeing to spend prom with him but not to the whole "lets not break up again" deal.
 april was the middle of my senior year, and i had just transferred into AP spanish. there was this really cute sophomore, but i mean, he was a sophomore. nothing was going to come of it. or so i thought. i LOVED that class. the teacher loved me, i was the only senior girl, so all the boys talked to me, and it was pretty easy. sometime during april, we had a fire drill outside  and it was raining and freezing. i was standing in the field all alone, then out of no where there's a big pair of arms that have me wrapped up.  it was taylor. my first thought was "man. this is a ballsy kid. he smells good, and has nice arms."

MAY
nothing had changed with the whole jake situation. but the taylor deal had gotten a lot more interesting.
i told him i liked him.
we kissed.
then i fell hard for a sophomore who had already treated so much better than jake ever did..
the LAST month of my SENIOR YEAR of freaking HIGH SCHOOL.
track season ended.
matt wrote me:)
and i took my AP spanish test:)
went to morp.
got asked to prom:)
may 18th:)
i almost didn't walk at graduation.
no worries though, i did:)

i wrapped my dates car in 1200 feet of plastic wrap:) he got me 129342 goldfish. taylor came and rescued me from them. 

senior prom!!:)

presh

after walking!!:) we did it!

waiting to walk

JUNE

june was mostly spent with taylor from what my journal says. 

we went to summer fest with ellie and michael. it was freezing but super fun:) 

a whole month spent of endless nothingness.

summer<3

we went mountain biking for the first time:)

celine came from FRANCE to play with us!:) 

he held our shoes so we wouldn't sink in the grass:)

girls camp with these lovely ladies:)

JULY

july was a month of firsts. 

weddings, funerals, realizing how amazing my friends really are.

my ex best friend got into a motorcycle accident with david cancilla. the day after his sister got married. 

i was called to be a leader for girls camp. and i was able to come down to go to the funeral. 

i was terrified. i had no idea what to expect. i asked taylor to come to the funeral with me. i bawled the entire time. the look on some of the people's face is permanently engraved into my memory. it breaks my heart every single time. 

the support and love i got from all my friends was incredible. 

girls camp for the last time with my ward girls was amazing.

AUGUST

LAKE POWELL 

 

a week in the sun, half naked, all day every day. holla at yo gurl.

"i always wanted to be perfect for someone." 

summer was finally winding down and there was a lot in store for our cute little summer fling. half the world thought we wouldn't last summer, the other half was sure we'd break up once school started. but i wasn't quite ready to let him go just yet. football season was in full swing and i feel like i almost died during football. 

SEPTEMBER 

college man. i officially was a college girl. 

:)

OCTOBER

october was full of ups and downs. 

i finally made peace with 3 different people who at once ment a lot to me and it all ended to awkwardly. but now, we're switzerland. all is well. 

i was also photographed for UVU!:)

i then\ learned first hand that the person who was never supposed to hurt you probably will. it'll break your heart and you'll cry for days on end. then your best friend drives down from salt lake at ten at night on a week day and just holds you and lets you bawl on them while everything just sucks. and that's when you learn to be a grown up and try your very hardest to forgive them because they hurt themselves just as badly. 

NOVEMBER 

you know those awkward times when your mind says something but your insides are saying the exact opposite?

welcome to a solid 3 weeks of my november. 

i got a JOB!!!:)

then there was thanksgiving!:) 

DECEMBER

i survived my very first finals week ever. 

it was filled with endless nights skyping with taylor doing math, reading biology, and crying. somehow, i survived. 

best. birthday. ever. 

pretty gnarly chistmas too:)

this year has been one for the books:) it's had some serious ups and some serious downs. the kind that make you wonder if you'll ever crawl back up again. but over all, it's been amazing.

here's to 2013!

6/30 Things: hardest

the hardest thing i've ever gone through. 

maybe when i didn't get asked to prom junior year..

or getting a  stress fracture my senior cross country season..

almost not walking at graduation..

getting grounded on my graduation night..

or maybe even getting asked to prom 2 days before the dance.

but with all of those it's all been something materialistic. 

dresses..graduation...parties..

i've never been really hurt by anyone so i always thought it was super easy to forgive and forget. but learning to forgive someone who wasn't supposed to hurt you ever is the hardest. by far. the worst part is when all i want to do is scream "this is YOUR fault. ALL YOUR fault. YOU ruined EVERYTHING." 

but the reality is that it's never any one person's fault. the moment when you realize you have to take ownership of what you did sucks because it clicks. it wasn't all his fault. he didn't ruin everything. i contributed.. 

this whole forgiveness is hard. but i feel like good things come from hard stuff. 

in the real world

because my some of my best friends are the girls i ran cross with, 

a few of them are still in high school. 

i constantly find myself thinking 

" i am SO OLD." 

so much has changed in so little time

my best missionary friend left over a year ago, 

i was in high school, 

i was so certain moving out was going to be so easy, 

the list could go on.

i went to college thinking the same thing.

" i am SO OLD"

then it hit me...

in any of my not freshman classes, i'm the baby.

there is so much for me to learn from those around  me.

those who've been there, done that and everything. 

it's crazy to think that there are people who consider me a baby, when i like to think i'm a big, bad, eighteen year old 

it's not that so much has changed physically..

like i still look the same as i did in high school i think..

senior pictures...

and now 

i look the same i think..

but i think so so SO much of me is so different and i love who i think i'm becoming.

i'm a baby in the real world, and i cannot wait to see who i end up being. 

come what may and love it.