in the real world

because my some of my best friends are the girls i ran cross with, 

a few of them are still in high school. 

i constantly find myself thinking 

" i am SO OLD." 

so much has changed in so little time

my best missionary friend left over a year ago, 

i was in high school, 

i was so certain moving out was going to be so easy, 

the list could go on.

i went to college thinking the same thing.

" i am SO OLD"

then it hit me...

in any of my not freshman classes, i'm the baby.

there is so much for me to learn from those around  me.

those who've been there, done that and everything. 

it's crazy to think that there are people who consider me a baby, when i like to think i'm a big, bad, eighteen year old 

it's not that so much has changed physically..

like i still look the same as i did in high school i think..

senior pictures...

and now 

i look the same i think..

but i think so so SO much of me is so different and i love who i think i'm becoming.

i'm a baby in the real world, and i cannot wait to see who i end up being. 

come what may and love it. 

trust to be trusted

when i'm a mommy, i'll make sure that my kids feel like they can tell me anything. 

That i'll listen to whatever argument they have to make, and that no matter what i always take their point of view into consideration. Because i know how ridiculous it is to have been one of the few kids to make it through high school without never drinking, getting high or having sex, to bring home decent report cards, to go through over half your life in a sport that you never picked to please your dad and have no one at home not listen to a thing you have to say. To come home early two weeks in a row, and to be told that you can't be trusted. 

i remember once when i was little, i came home crying and my mom put everything down and hugged me and just let me cry. i don't know why, but it ment so much that my mom would do something like that..i felt like i could tell her anything and she'd still love me no matter what.. it doesn't matter how old you get, sometimes a hug from your mom and a solid crying session..not to be told that crying doesn't fix anything.

i want her to care.

i want her to trust me. 

i want her to trust in her parenting that i'll be okay..

that they've taught me right from wrong and if i make mistakes, they'll be my own. 

that paying for stuff isn't going to make anything better...

The harder you tug, the harder they tug. and in the end, no one wins. all you're left with is a strained relationship and puffy eyes in the morning.