so much

it's amazing how much there can be in 3 pages of paper. 

my patriarchal blessing is 3 pages long and when i stumble across it from time to time i read it and i bawl. every.single.time. 

when i'm in an insecure place in life, it always reminds me that there is someone that loves me and knows who i am. there are things in there that are INCREDIBLE. there is no doubt in my mind that my blessing is mine. and no one elses. i haven't let anyone ever read any part of it.. i've shared itty bitty pieces with one of my best friends and that's it. i don't cry too often when i read or watch movies, but this gets me every single time and i love it.. someday i might just share it a little bit more.. 

come what may and love it.

i still don't think i'm quite ready to say that it's all true, but i do love it.. 

sister sanchez

i think i was the only girl in utah county that didn't facebook the new age requirement for missions...

i think it's incredible that so many girls are so eager to go and serve, and that so many young men are prepared to submit their papers early and go off to work. it's awesome. there is nothing cooler than going to farewells and seeing individuals give up 2 years of their lives to go serve the Lord. 

but then that leaves me...and...well...myself and i. 

i think i'm one of like two girls who aren't really affected by the new rule. 

and i'm already getting questions like "when are you turning in your papers??!" "when do you turn 19???" "where do you want to go???" it's almost like i don't have a choice not to around here. 

but i'm ali sanchez, and i'm not serving a mission. i want to go to school and find out who i am. i don't feel like i know the gospel enough to go and teach. i'm freaking out at the idea of teaching my sunbeams next sunday.. and i don't necessarily think it makes me any less of a good member of the church if i don't serve. it's just not for me.. i know the Lord has a plan for me. 

game changer?

in my patriarchal blessing, it says that i will  have the opportunity to share the gospel through a calling or even a mission calling. 

i turn 19 in less than 3 months. 

before this news, my game plan was not a mission. it was going to school (it says something about knowledge in my blessing too) and then getting married in the temple..and being a working mom. my mommy was one and i feel like me and my sister turned out just fine.

but so far i feel like conference has been highly focused on families and missionary work. 

i am terrified. 

and i'm almost scared to pray about it because i know i'm not ready right now, and i'm afraid of getting a certain answer. 

i almost feel like this whole conference has been for me...everything was just what i needed to hear. 

it has been quite the weekend filled with many, many random crying fits. thank goodness i have friends to call at midnight and a boyfriend who comes over and lets me cry on him and tells me everything's gonna be okay:)