so tired

6 weeks into the semester and i feel like i'm going to die. 

there is always some reading to do..some paper to write...some math problem that needs solving..

and never enough time for me to sleep...

i feel like i'm dying. 

last weekend i seriously spent all weekend in bed..sleeping..and it was incredible. 

physically, i feel exhausted. my head is constantly pounding. i feel all gross and pre periody..that was prolly too much info...oh well 

mentally, i'm not as worn down as the rest of me

emotionally, i feel like i'm walking on egg shells with myself. at any moment i  might start crying and i just don't know.. no one gets it. and the only person that does lives in salt lake..guess who has expired plates and no gas. this one. so a mini road trip is out of the question. 

"how are you doing?"

"fine.."

no i'm not fine.. i need a hug and i just wanna spend my weekend curled up on my couch watching p.s. i love you, the notebook and harry potter. i need me a good crying shesh. and chocolate. that would help too. 

usually i'm the one taking care of others..and i am very capable of taking care of myself. i have for well..18 years. i can get by with very minimal emotionally from others. but i am just so run down and exhausted and i don't even know why.. i just need someone to tell me it's going to be okay and that i'll get through this.. i can't do it alone anymore...

who's a baby...?

this one...  

"i never imagined we'd end like this"

taylor swift knew what she was talking about when she sang 

last kiss.

"all that i know is that i don't know how to be something you miss" 

i guess all anyone ever wants is to know they're making an impact in someone's life..something they're doing..or something.. to know they aren't just another person on the streets. to know they're accomplishing what they always dreamed of. 

i think that i always want to leave a positive impression. .to be the kind of person that people remember and want to be with. in all aspects of my life. school, sports, dating...

the scariest thing in the world is realizing what an impact you made on someone. realizing that you really aren't just another person that came and went in someone's life. to know that you made such a big impression that two years later they still ask how you are and how you are..what you're up to...and what not..

i guess that's what we're all trying to figure out.

how to be something you miss..

whoever "you" may be in the end...

because boyce avenue does it better..

help

today i came to the realization that i need a new major

i declared biology..

and now, i'm thinking that maybe..just maybe i might not be cut  out for this med school stuff..

or college....

or even productive living...

i NEED something driving me..so i don't spend nights dreading homework like i do now

you would think Johns Hopkins would..but uh..no..not quite

ahkjdvkjfvb zweifh

help..