choices

if the world worked the way i wanted, football season would've ended yesterday. 

i'm a horrible person for wanting taylor's team to lose.

whatever. i don't care anymore.

but of course. life never goes the way you want it. so guess what. 

they won!

woot woot!! go bruin football!!

and i really am glad they won.. promise

but it just means another little bit of no taylor. 

but then i thought of something 

"why am i almost all bummed and what not..? he likes football. well sorta. and they just won a game! i should be happy they're not last in the region. and if i'm upset, then what? nothing changes. football season will still go on, and nothing gets changed." 

so i decided that i'm not going to sweat it. i have mid terms to worry about and it's not like i won't see taylor ever again. 

then i woke up to a lovely text from brinks. 

"chose to make today a good one.." 

(of course there was more, but i don't feel like sharing with the rest of the world)

and i was like ya! today is gonna rock,because i'm going to make it.

so i got pretty for school, i was on time, found awesome parking, finished my paper, and i'm just waiting until my next class starts mindlessly loving today. because i made it a good one.

thank goodness for amazing friends:) 

flash back

today i went to juice n' java with the ex. 

this is the ex. 

vegas 2010. u.s. open 

when my team merged with his, i remember walking in and thinking "oh hey..he's cute. he's going to be my boyfriend sooner or later." and what do ya know.. he was.

we competed in forms. so basically, we spent hours upon hours working on our forms together in front of mirrors. and eventually, we went to the biggest international open in the world...and got our sorry 16 year old butts handed to us. 

after a sticky breakup, we lost touch. clean break ya know? he went to orem and i was at mountain view. i didn't hear from him in two solid years and i'd see him occasionally at a cross race. but not too long ago he facebooked me and we talked for a little..or maybe until two in the morning. and it was just all about the "good times." something about being 16 was just so fun for us. and it was nice. i was able to get closure that i was certain i didn't need for two years. it was okay. he didn't hate me. we were civil. all is well. 

then today, guess who i get a text from..? 

the ex...

so since he's the ex, i HAD to look good. like "oops i'm cute..sorry i've moved on" cute. 

messy curls, skinny jeans, loose purple high-low cut shirt.

oops..i'm cute...:) 

"hey i'm in orem for today and tomorrow..and i'm down to do whatever."

well okay.. so i was like 

"who is this..?"

because i didn't have his number. and after introductions, we agreed that coffee tonight was the plan. 

normally, coffee get togethers are simple.

1. meet at coffee shop

2. get drinks

3. talk about nothing until drinks are gone

4. depart 

this one was a little different..

one dirty chai later, and we ended up at some park talking about our "good old days." then we ended up walking around the river bottoms for a solid half hour. mind you, it was freezing. 

again, all we have in common two years later, was out relationship...that neither one of us is wanting to bring up.. me because there's nothing left in the past..him..i don't know..and i'm not sure i ever will.

this whole thing made me realize how i'm incredibly happy i have taylor. he puts up with me when i think with my ovaries..and cry every other day..and he cuddles me..and he holds my hand and kisses my forehead.. and gives me his coat when i'm cold. he just takes care of me:) and i think that today, i had a major breakthrough with our relationship. i was able to actually word what i'm thinking. i was able to follow my thought process and let him know. because usually, i'm so caught up in crying that i don't remember. but i did today! and no tears.:)  month five has been anything but easy.. here's to month six:)

all too true.. don't sweat the small stuff..

gnarly

most of the time, this is really how i feel.

i just wanna crawl into a whole and not talk to anyone and frankly, not wear pants either.

but it's funny what having your homework go smoothly does to you.

frankly, i feel awesome. 

it might be due to the fact that it was my MATH homework that i did all on my own:)

true story. no skype-ing taylor:) gnarly right? right.

i honestly think my better thinking comes to me later in the day..well at night..around now ish and midnight..

i dunno why..it may be because errything is quiet and it's just me..or because i like to think i'm a night owl..

either way, facebook takes way to much of my time..

like unhealthy amounts. and it needs to go.

facebook cleanse starts tomorrow. 

productivity here i come:)