woops.

i made him mad yesterday. 

he made me cry. 

it was all unintentional but it still happened. 

we exchanged "i'm sorry"s and all was well.

we never ever fight. when we disagree, we just agree to disagree. sometimes i wonder if it's all too good to be true. but then this happens and it's just sort of like life saying "it's great and all but it's NOT as perfect as you think it is. you're both normal people who will say things you don't mean, but it's okay. you're both okay.  so clean your face up and tell him you love him because even though you're crying because he was mean, you're still crying because he apologized and fixed it right then and there."

6/30 Things: hardest

the hardest thing i've ever gone through. 

maybe when i didn't get asked to prom junior year..

or getting a  stress fracture my senior cross country season..

almost not walking at graduation..

getting grounded on my graduation night..

or maybe even getting asked to prom 2 days before the dance.

but with all of those it's all been something materialistic. 

dresses..graduation...parties..

i've never been really hurt by anyone so i always thought it was super easy to forgive and forget. but learning to forgive someone who wasn't supposed to hurt you ever is the hardest. by far. the worst part is when all i want to do is scream "this is YOUR fault. ALL YOUR fault. YOU ruined EVERYTHING." 

but the reality is that it's never any one person's fault. the moment when you realize you have to take ownership of what you did sucks because it clicks. it wasn't all his fault. he didn't ruin everything. i contributed.. 

this whole forgiveness is hard. but i feel like good things come from hard stuff. 

"i never imagined we'd end like this"

taylor swift knew what she was talking about when she sang 

last kiss.

"all that i know is that i don't know how to be something you miss" 

i guess all anyone ever wants is to know they're making an impact in someone's life..something they're doing..or something.. to know they aren't just another person on the streets. to know they're accomplishing what they always dreamed of. 

i think that i always want to leave a positive impression. .to be the kind of person that people remember and want to be with. in all aspects of my life. school, sports, dating...

the scariest thing in the world is realizing what an impact you made on someone. realizing that you really aren't just another person that came and went in someone's life. to know that you made such a big impression that two years later they still ask how you are and how you are..what you're up to...and what not..

i guess that's what we're all trying to figure out.

how to be something you miss..

whoever "you" may be in the end...

because boyce avenue does it better..

a year later...

sometimes things happen and you wonder why..

and in the moment,
it seems like everyone is out to get you, no one understands you, and the world hates you
  but eventually,
you get over it.

and it takes a few nights of crying into your pillow, countless yougurtland trips, sleepovers with your best friends who tell you you're too pretty to be crying over someone like him. and with time
 you get over it.

because you realize that it never would've worked out..

and that you're only 17 and it's not time to really care about boys.

and then once you've fine and moving on in life,
they talk to you again..

and it all comes back

all the reasons you even liked him in the first place...
then when you actually see him,
you realize you're screwed.

because you really do like him.

Then you end up at some park on a monday night with him holding hands
wishing you both could take back everything that was said and done.

circle circle dot dot

circle circle

dot dot

now,

you've got the cootie shot.

this explains my life so much.

boys are so overrated.

no,

highschool boys are so overrated.

it's really not that hard to make this "highschool relationship" thing work..

take me on a date.

tell me you like me.

take me on more dates.

kiss me.

tell me to be your girlfriend.

simple really.

but instead it goes like this...

took me on a date.

hung out with me.

kissed me a day later.

talked to me ALL day EVERY day.

got all awkward.

now,

i'm left stuck in this weird place where i like you, and i think somedays you might like me, and others we don't say anything to each other and for some reason i don't wanna move on because i want you to like me.

even though,

i know you don't.

i blame this WHOLE mental turmoil on the fact that i've been rendered immobile for the past 12 weeks.

BUT

today i finally got to do a workout that made me breathe hard, sweat, and remember the age old question that runners are faced with every single day.

"why the heck do i do this...?

it hurts.

 lots.

 oh ya.

 it burns so good."

i'm so excited to finally be so busy that i litterally have no time for boys. all they do is cause so much unneeded stress.

namaste.

mhmm:)

come what may, and love it.

like yoga in the middle of taekwondo practices

where or where..

i'm at a loss for words right now..i totally have several posts that need to be posted but i'm just not feeling them right now..

oh

boys are dumb.

but really. who shows up for the last 20 minutes of class to come say "hi" when they missed that one and the one before...

i'll tell you who.

retarded high school boys.

lets get this whole dating thing over with.

please?

will my lover come and knock at my door tomorrow and say something like

"oh hey ali.. so we don't know each other very well...but something tells me we are going to be very close in the future..."

and i'll be like "oh hello attractive stranger.. yes. can we please be best friends?"

then this will happen..

we'll be at lunch like at blue lemmon or somewhere cute and he'll get on one knee and show me this..

then...



you'll all see this on facebook...

then shortly thereafter you shall all recive this!

an ADORABLE save the date:)

then...

i'll buy a dress that looks sorta like this..

and we'll get married here...

(classic door knob shot..)

and our reception will look something along the lines of..

maybe..

but you better count on his face looking something like...

this:)

and my daddy's like..

then we'll buy a house that looks like this!!

and adopt yittles that look like this!!!

:)

and we'll live happily ever after.

thee end:)

but realy. where is this said man..????

that moment when...

you know that awkward moment when you see the boy you used to like all over the girl he swore he was completely over? 

yea, story of today.

well not really. i only saw him for like 2 seconds. 

and the best part of it was

the moment i realized that i could care less what they were doing and i'm more upset i don't have him as a friend anymore cause clearly, i liked him as  a person if i like liked him even for a little. 

:)

enjoy..

there is hope:) 

pinterest says so

but really.

come what may and love it..even if it's that awkward moment when...

bob firman

this weekend when everyone ventured off to another day at school and it's rousing homecoming festivities, me and 43 other kids sat on a charter bus awaiting a rousing 6 hour trip to bosie idaho. why you may ask are 44 teenage kids willingly missing their senior/junior/sophomore homecomings???

well, for the seniors, we're either super duper dedicated to the well being of our team, or we didn't get asked cause boys are noobs.

we were headed to one of the most intense races of the season.

bob firman.

there were 11 states represented and well over 2,000 runners there.

pretty much, this race is a huge deal.

while we were on our warm up, these two boys ran by us and looked at our jerseys and said "you guys are mountain view...? like the famous one..?"

yes weird boys. we are the famous mountain view. jealous much?

then they kept on bugging us about our current team.

weirdos. but i guess it comes with the running shorts.

we ended up doing really well actually:)

we took third again:)

yay jay-vee girls!!:)

i'll post pictures once i get mine back and i'm not mooching time off my parent's..

the night before, as tradition calls for, we bought a goldfish. last year, coach's kid threw him into the lake we race around.. but we took better care of him this time!! he made it almost home..then he died...:( because TWO missionaries (or soon to be ones) didn't give xavier bjorn firman a blessing through the phone:(

but over all, i am SO glad i ended up racing. it was such an amazing race and trip. i heart my team:)