and a happy new year

every year i make new years resolutions. 

every year i keep them for 2 weeks. if that.

i am DETERMINED to keep mine this year. so here they are. 

1. keep my job

it's so nice to have my own monies. i can buy everything at target! 

just kidding. because books are lots and lots of monies. 

2. not compare myself to others

i feel like this is the hardest thing for me. it's not that i look at other girls and think "oh i wish my thighs were as skinny as hers!!" or "OHMYGOSH her hair is beautiful and i have gnarly hair. i hate myself"

it's more like "oh awkward...they got a FULL RIDE to NOT UVU and i only got HALF TUITION at a freaking almost community college." i think that this past year that has been my biggest insecurity. i go to dumb kid college. and it's not because i didn't get in anywhere else, it's because it's what was right for me for the time being. at the end of the day, a degree is a degree. unless it's from like stanford or duke. because those are worth gold. 

3. hit the gym at least 5 times a week

so far so good. freshman 15 is no where near me. it's more like freshman 5..i miss running and feeling my ponytail swish back and forth.

4. save monies. 

salt lake isn't gonna be possible unless i save monies for it

5. have a good attitude about life

i'm constantly surrounded by AMAZING people every day. why should i waste even a minute being upset? unless it's finals week or period week. then i'm allowed to be grumpy. 

6. be nicer to my sissy

we fight a lot. and we don't play tons. i don't want her to be like "yeah..my sister was a brat.." because she is usually the sweetest thing alive. it's just too sweet for me sometimes and i get annoyed. she's great. and i need to remind myself more often that she is 

7. let those around me know they're appreciated

i like to think that i'm pretty self sufficient. but really, if i was stranded on an island by myself, i would last all of 3 hours. i have such amazing friends and family who love me even if they don't agree with me all the time. they need to know how much i love them more. 

8. "No. I am not serving a mission."

for the past 18 years of my life, i was raised thinking sister missionaries were the weird ones who never got dates and ended up on a mission because they weren't getting married anytime soon. i have my plan already in motion and i don't feel like serving is right for me. honestly, i've thought about it. "Sister Sanchez" or "Hermana Sanchez" maybe even "Sœur Sanchez" but i've only thought about it because ALL of the girls i was closest to last year are submitting in papers and getting calls. but, i feel confident in not going, and i would love if everyone just got off my back about it. 

2012, you have been swell

2012 has been one for the books in my opinion.
lets start from the beginning.

JANUARY
as of last year, i am a firm believer that all good years end and start with a new years kiss. last year i kissed this kid right as the ball dropped. it was really cute but kind of super awkward because i was taller than him and my best friends were staring at us right when it all happened.. but i think it gave my year a push in the right direction.
i tested for my 3rd degree black belt.

hardest thing of my life. never will i ever do it again.

FEBRUARY
the whole new years romance had blown up in our faces and we could not stand to be around each other. too bad we had 2 classes with each other every day. for the rest of the year.

MARCH
march was a turning point in what i decided to do with my spare time. i got a pinterest account.
productivity was lost early in the year. but around march,,i went through this "I LOVE ALL THE QUOTES ON PINTEREST" kick and in result, i have pages of awesome quotes in my journal. i think i can pinpoint it to march when i started to finally decide to figure out who i really was as a person. who i wanted to become and how i was going to get there.
i walked in my very first dress show!:)

ugliest dress of my life.

 i have random songs that i fell in love with all through out the year.
march was belle and sebastian.

APRIL
my world was sort of turned upside down.
"Hey Ali. Sorry this took so long, but I kinda did figure it was my fault we broke up. I'd give you a full apology but this damn thing is limiting me. Hope you're taking good care of Joe."
after a year, jake duros, once again, reared his head into my life.
i met up with him one day when i was supposed to be at an AP spanish review and..we kissed. again. i was just so confused about everything. i liked him, but i didn't like him enough to try to make a long distance relationship work. but he was trying so hard to make this different. he kept saying "lets not have another break up." and he offered to spend prom with me, because at the time, i was still dateless and i missed out on my jr prom because we broke up 3 weeks before. i remember almost crying..and agreeing to spend prom with him but not to the whole "lets not break up again" deal.
 april was the middle of my senior year, and i had just transferred into AP spanish. there was this really cute sophomore, but i mean, he was a sophomore. nothing was going to come of it. or so i thought. i LOVED that class. the teacher loved me, i was the only senior girl, so all the boys talked to me, and it was pretty easy. sometime during april, we had a fire drill outside  and it was raining and freezing. i was standing in the field all alone, then out of no where there's a big pair of arms that have me wrapped up.  it was taylor. my first thought was "man. this is a ballsy kid. he smells good, and has nice arms."

MAY
nothing had changed with the whole jake situation. but the taylor deal had gotten a lot more interesting.
i told him i liked him.
we kissed.
then i fell hard for a sophomore who had already treated so much better than jake ever did..
the LAST month of my SENIOR YEAR of freaking HIGH SCHOOL.
track season ended.
matt wrote me:)
and i took my AP spanish test:)
went to morp.
got asked to prom:)
may 18th:)
i almost didn't walk at graduation.
no worries though, i did:)

i wrapped my dates car in 1200 feet of plastic wrap:) he got me 129342 goldfish. taylor came and rescued me from them. 

senior prom!!:)

presh

after walking!!:) we did it!

waiting to walk

JUNE

june was mostly spent with taylor from what my journal says. 

we went to summer fest with ellie and michael. it was freezing but super fun:) 

a whole month spent of endless nothingness.

summer<3

we went mountain biking for the first time:)

celine came from FRANCE to play with us!:) 

he held our shoes so we wouldn't sink in the grass:)

girls camp with these lovely ladies:)

JULY

july was a month of firsts. 

weddings, funerals, realizing how amazing my friends really are.

my ex best friend got into a motorcycle accident with david cancilla. the day after his sister got married. 

i was called to be a leader for girls camp. and i was able to come down to go to the funeral. 

i was terrified. i had no idea what to expect. i asked taylor to come to the funeral with me. i bawled the entire time. the look on some of the people's face is permanently engraved into my memory. it breaks my heart every single time. 

the support and love i got from all my friends was incredible. 

girls camp for the last time with my ward girls was amazing.

AUGUST

LAKE POWELL 

 

a week in the sun, half naked, all day every day. holla at yo gurl.

"i always wanted to be perfect for someone." 

summer was finally winding down and there was a lot in store for our cute little summer fling. half the world thought we wouldn't last summer, the other half was sure we'd break up once school started. but i wasn't quite ready to let him go just yet. football season was in full swing and i feel like i almost died during football. 

SEPTEMBER 

college man. i officially was a college girl. 

:)

OCTOBER

october was full of ups and downs. 

i finally made peace with 3 different people who at once ment a lot to me and it all ended to awkwardly. but now, we're switzerland. all is well. 

i was also photographed for UVU!:)

i then\ learned first hand that the person who was never supposed to hurt you probably will. it'll break your heart and you'll cry for days on end. then your best friend drives down from salt lake at ten at night on a week day and just holds you and lets you bawl on them while everything just sucks. and that's when you learn to be a grown up and try your very hardest to forgive them because they hurt themselves just as badly. 

NOVEMBER 

you know those awkward times when your mind says something but your insides are saying the exact opposite?

welcome to a solid 3 weeks of my november. 

i got a JOB!!!:)

then there was thanksgiving!:) 

DECEMBER

i survived my very first finals week ever. 

it was filled with endless nights skyping with taylor doing math, reading biology, and crying. somehow, i survived. 

best. birthday. ever. 

pretty gnarly chistmas too:)

this year has been one for the books:) it's had some serious ups and some serious downs. the kind that make you wonder if you'll ever crawl back up again. but over all, it's been amazing.

here's to 2013!

tis the season

i hate amazon. 

i ordered like all of my chirstmas presents online this year..and then i got an email from amazon being all like "sorry..we're really backed up and your stuff might not arrive in time for christmas" so i was like "oh...awkward...um..." then i got another one and they were like "hey...it's going to be at your house between the 5th and 7th. here's a gift card for 30 bucks to amazon."

so to all my dear friends, lets celebrate delayed christmas this year yes? 

yes.

but since there wasn't much gift giving at our abode, it was a lot more family centered this year. it was a nice change:) 

a few times a year we like to entertain our mother and dress up for dinner.
chirstmas being one of them.
we clean up pretty good if i do say so myself.

tay got me the sickest sun glasses. ever. now i NEED summer.
lets hope he likes his delayed present just as much as i loved his.
fingers crossed. 

taylor came to play too:) he's sorta like family almost. only  he's white :) but we all like him. he's peachy.

after diner and presents, we played dominoes for like an hour. we played like 324 games. i won two. i'm pretty sure taylor won more games than i did. we had been playing for a solid hour before he showed up. 

today, chirstmas day, we had leftovers for breakfast:) that's always the best way to start of the day, then we got ready and went and watched the hobbit. it was okay. i was confused half the time and the other half the back of my chair was getting kicked by the girl behind me. basically, i'm super excited for the Host... 

it sounds like it's gonna have a KILLER soundtrack...soo..that's my excuse:) 

who wants to come with me?:)

best one yet

today is my birthday.

everyone sing! quick!

"happy birthday to you...happy birthday to you.."

just kidding. 

but this weekend has been amazing.

 i am so blessed to have such an amazing family and friends. like really. 

yesterday, i went on the best date of like..the year. and pretty much ever.

(because i don't go on many dates..shh don't tell..)

so i requested work off a week ago for this saturday and my manager was tole me to find someone to cover me and i could have it. i asked everyone i worked with, and of course, EVERYONE was on that saturday. so i was just going to work my birthday celebration day away. but then i got there and basically, Jimmy, another host, offered to take my shift for me!! what a gem! i worked like 18 solid minutes. cool. 

so then i went home and got all pretty for my birthday date with Taylor.

leggings, combat boots (present from the parents:)) and some cute t-shirt with curled hairs. pretty much adorbs right?

so Tay came and got me and we went to my FAVORITE restaurant ever. 

cafe rio.

the way to my heart might just be through grilled chicken salads..

then i ate my entire salad almost. like totally pigged out..woops..

so after dinner, i had no idea what was going on and all i got from Taylor was "It's a surprise." so off we drove to the riverwoods!!

cute right?? we walked around a little then we went on a carriage ride. it was like lightly snowing and not super windy. basically, it was perfectness. 

then i got my birthday present:) 

isn't it gorgeous??

yes, your answer is yes because it's flat out gorgeous. 

basically, my boyfriend is cooler than yours. 

then i came home to this...

petunia was encased in a snowy case of distress. 

it took me like .2 seconds to think of who would've done this. 

of course. 

but! they imported snow directly from springville. they cleaned out a park doing so. 

taylor jumped out of the car and got petunia out in like 5 minutes. 

boyfriend of the year?

i think yes. he deserves a mug that says that or something:)

then sunday was another partay.

i went danny's farewell. he ran xc for a season..or a week..i'm not sure but he was on the team and his farewell was on the same day as  Mark's (mark was on the team for forever) and well..danny was always super duper nice, mark wasn't. so off to danny's we went. 

turns out it was Taylor's ward too. so i had to get ready for reals. no one should see 7 am on a sunday. ever. 

we got there and tay tay came and sat with us and danny was late to his own farewell and he's gonna be an amazing missionary! then during sacrament meeting i got bored and thumb warred taylor..then his poppa sends him a text and it says "do you think you could keep your hands to yourself?" and i about died. too funny. :)

then after church, britt called and gave me many options for breakfast. crepes sounded amazing. britt came and kidnapped me and gave me my birthday present. 

a cable knit blanket.

shut the front door!!!!!!!!!! 

then we went to her house where jason,britt's daddy, made us breakfast! crepes, eggs,bacon and hash browns. so goooood. 

then off to salt lake we went because all good adventures begin there. 

we then went ice skating at the galivan center and that was quite the experience. it was actually super fun:) 

aren't we the cutest? it was totes the wrong day to not wear pants..oh well. then we went and got starbucks and it was buy one get one free. so we gave the other one to a homeless man because we wanted to be nice. then we got cold and came home to costa chicken:)

how cute are we???

then i came home to MORE birthday cake 

with my lovely family:) 

then on monday, i went to yogurtland with my favorite runners. 

kels,laur, and kami :)

and i got an interview at doTERRA!:) 

i feel like 19 is going to be amazing:) 

one for the books:)

post finals.

i survived. 

holla at yo gurl 

oh silly BYU students

check out the guy's hair around...52 seconds

this guy..is hilarious. i think he is great. take a listen.

mind the language. bahahahah jenna marbles. 

the end is in sight

one presentation, 6 page research paper, 4 page hand-written reflection and one math final later.. the end is in sight. 

i have a 100 question biology final and then a quick presentation in front of 50 eighth graders. no biggie. 

i am freaking out about my biology final though. i need to ace this. i usually get biology so well, and this semester has been hell. 

i've been scoring low on all my tests..and i basically failed my last one. 

i just need to do decently on this final and i think i'll be okay. 

in high school getting a C was devastating.. in college, it's almost a relief just knowing you passed the class. 

today i got the email i was waiting for though. 

i got into my American Nat Gov class!!

now i'm signed up for 15 credits and ALL of them count towards getting to the U and i'm actually super excited about next semester. 

i feel like noticing that email just now was a good sign from the heavens. everything will be okay as long as i put in my hours. god will provide:)

i've come to a conclusion, it's not gonna make any difference if i have an amazing math teacher if i don't put in the extra time myself. so this semester, i'm gonna rock my math class. i'm gonna go to math lab, not slack on my homework when the semester is almost over, not miss class, take advantage of office hours and skype taylor when i need him. mostly so i don't keep taylor up into the late hours of the night explaining inequalities and quadratic formula. even though it is pretty grand to have my very own personal tutor who just happens to be the sweetest guy around:) 

lets get on the dean's list shall we?

to do list:

1. wake up early 

2. get ready 

3. be at kelsey's by 7

4. be on time to bio final 

5. act bio final

6. present for lakeridge kids

7. come home and take my "i made it through my first finals week" nap

8. wash my work jeans

9. go to work

10. find someone to take my saturday shift 

11. love life

clearly my morals are too high..

only joking:)

nuhh uhhh gurrl freeeind

i should get paid to pin

they lied. every. single. one. of. them. 

kill me now

yesterday i was at the library studying for my math final 

when i realized i don't remember how to do like...anything.

when that hit me, i put my head down and started to do that awkwardly silent bawling thing. then i was drowning in my tears. literally.  

the table was wet..my face was blotchy, and my review was damp.

that's when i threw everything into my backpack and left for practice. 

being on the sparring mat was great. it made everything sort of go away. i haven't laughed so much all week. but then when my "coach" started to ignore me..i realized that taekwondo has been great and wonderful for the past 13 years. but i think i'm ready to hang up the belt.. i don't love it anymore and i'm sure i can find a yoga class or something to make me relax. 

boy oh boy. i hate this. finals are killing me. it makes me dread the end of the semester oh so very badly  wahhhh. i think i'll spend tonight cuddled up with my math book..in tears of frustration.

going crazy

there are so many things running through my head right not it's not normal. 

i should be focusing on the FINAL stretch of my english paper due in 25 minutes. but words aren't coming to me.. women's rights..i feel like i have said everything possible and them some. somehow i need one. more. PARAGRAPH.

what makes this particularly hard is how many random thoughts are in my head..

i need to go running.. i'm getting chubby i feel like. in the notebook when Allie goes "i don't paint anymore.." i feel like i'm sitting here saying "i don't run anymore.." then i realize it's because i have no time. none at all. i come to school, go home and do chores, then work until 8 sometimes 9, then crash. running is what kept me sane for all of high school. why is it now, when i need it the most, i have no time for it?

it breaks my heart a little.

i was on insta and i saw this picture. this girl has amazing hair.. but it was like "staying up late at night thinking of all the wrong i've done to people.. #i'msosorry #otherhashtags #moredepressedhighschooldrama

i don't know this girl. at all. all i know is what i've heard from people and she doesn't have many fans from the group of people i hang out with. but even if i'm totally wrong about what she's referring to, i'm kinda glad she went and hurt certain individuals..because it gave me the opportunity to know certain people on a level that never would have been reached unless we were both broken in a sense.. i guess "pain" is this weirdly gnarly thing. it hurts oh so bad, like double over on your  bed and sob into the early hours of the morning bad but..it makes us that much stronger. weirdness. 

i really need headphones..there are so many conversations going on around me and i don't care about your "Peruvian bread from Mexico.." or "your epic jump shot last night" or even "oh my god. she totally slept with her boyfriend!" that one did make me laugh though. thank goodness for laptops you can hide behind. 

i need a hug..

or flowers..

or a puppy..

or finals to be over. i never thought they would be this bad. i always looked at my college friends and thought "psh..i bet it's not even that bad.." oh hah no. it is that bad and some. 

then when your 6 page research final goes "poof" and you're left with half a paragraph.. you want to kill yourself. 

but thanks to lovely Britt Britt, i somehow got through this. i'm so incredibly glad my best friend is showing me the ropes with this whole "college-finals" thing. i would die without someone so willing to let me cry to them. 

(this was written at 11..and posted at 6:30. my finals are HALF way OVER!! heck to the yes!!)  

pre-finals week

finals are next week

well sorta. 

i have my final presentation and final paper due on thursday.

then i have a math final in a week and a bio final sometime next week too.

i'm freaking out. 

i have tons of studying that needs doing

before i kill myself i found pins that make me happy

enjoy

grumpy kitty:)

oh ya, i got a letter from Matt today!!:) 

my birthday is in 13 days:)

work opens in 10 days..

finals start in 3 days..

i just don't want to do my homework. 

ink'ed

ladies and gents. 

i'm getting a tattoo.

either for the big one nine

or when i move to salt lake.

the way i see it, 

it's a start to a new chapter in my life.

 being independent,

not caring what others think, 

loving myself,

 remembering what myself and others are worth, 

 not judging myself, 

accepting everyone.

 doing what i want, not what i think others want from me. after all, i am the one living with my decisions. even if that makes those around me unhappy.. 

i've always had this weird thing with anchors. i sorta love them. i think part of me is a mermaid. i think the only reason i don't know how to swim is because the craving of the ocean would kill me. i've always loved how the ocean is just there. it doesn't do anything to get attention. it's just going about it's business peacefully..beautifully..mysteriously..

i just love it.  

right now i'm thinking something super small. i don't want anything too flashy. after all this is for me. no one else. 

an anchor on my heel..or side of my foot. 

either brown or white ink..

but the idea is young and there is much time to play around with.

my life

for my final paper in my english class

i'm writing about gender equality.

it's really made me aware of a lot more things in my day to day life 

and even in my family. 

if i was a boy, i'm positive i wouldn't have a curfew.

i'm positive i could hang out with whoever i wanted whenever i wanted.

it would be totally different then how i get treated now.

i'm basically 19..

a freshman in college,

my curfew is 11:30 on weekends and 9 on weekdays. 

i can't hang out with other boys because i have a boyfriend. 

i'm expected to work and pay for everything other than food and school for myself. 

wasn't one of the perks of living at home getting everything paid for? at this rate, i might as well move out. 

this is stupid because i know for a fact that if i was a boy, none of this would be happening. 

so it is now 8 o'clock on a saturday night and i'm home alone while my parents are at a movie.

this is exactly why i have no friends.

i hate my mother sometimes.