not real. not yet. no way.

i just don't know anymore.. 

it wasn't real until today...

her body was there..but what made it so special was far far away. 

i miss you jay.. 

i want you to come back..

"our best friend is SO attractive." 

oh man..we had some crazy conversations.. 

everyone treats me like i'm made of glass. if they say the wrong thing, i'll shatter into a million pieces. 

yes. i'm okay. 

yes, it's so much harder then i ever expected this to be. 

no, i don't know anything anymore.. 

i'm so thankful for all those people who've reached out to me during this. 

britt. you are seriously the older sister i never had.. 

thank you so much for coming with me today and giving me the heads up on what to do.. 

it means so much that you would take time from your day to help me overcome something like this. 

i just don't know what to do anymore.. 

numb..

i know heavenly father does everything for a reason.

i know he was a plan for each and every one of us. 

but sometime, 

it leaves you feeling numb. 

this morning, heavenly father welcomed home two of his precious children. 

Janet Velasco and David Cancilla. 

Janet and i used to be best friends and then we both got caught up in our high school drama and called it quits. and if there is anything i regret, was not making more of an effort with our friendship. i guess sometimes it just takes something as drastic as losing someone all together for everyone to get their acts together. 

i guess what i'm getting at is not taking anyone for granted. 

janet made some serious impact on my life and everyone who she was around. 

one time in the 7th grade she said "you don't need to tear others down to make yourself look better.." 

and that has always stuck with me. i was such a brat, and thanks to her, i've mellowed out so much. she taught me how fragile life really is and that we need to love everyone and everything...