mission boys

matt benson..

mattie boy benson.

matt was senior my junior year of cross. for the longest time i thought he was sorta hilarious but he was a SENIOR BOY. on VARSITY.

i couldn't talk to him..there was no way. 

so i waited until he talked to me. and he did.

we sat next to each other the entire ride home from idaho. and every time we got on any bus together it restarted a never ending match of "yellow car" 

he was just so easy to talk to and basically he was one of, if not my best guy friend. 

i could literally talk to him about anything. running, school, other boys. 

although i rarely did because i secretly thought he was super cute.. 

then he graduated and went to USU and i started my senior year at MV.

we sorta lost touch for a while just because he was so far away. and with cross being a summer thing too, usually you don't stop talking with your team because you're with each other allllll summer long..so it was weird not having him around.

it was kinda funny though, one day in the locker room, this girl who was friends with matt's little sister, who was a sophomore last year, was like "OH!! so YOU'RE Ali!! i've heard so much about you!!" and i was like "whaaaaat?" then she goes "Well sorta. Tammy one day was like 'That's her.. Matt talks about that girl all the time. she's really pretty'" and of course i was like "haha oh. well yeah, i'm Ali!" but inside i was like "AHH! MATT TALKS ABOUT ME ALL THE TIME!!" clearly that ment he was in love with me. duh. 

kidding. totes kidding tay..:)

ANYWAYS

eventually we got over that awkwardness and he was back to being my bestie. and basically, it was back to the usual. 

a- "matt. i don't wanna run today"

m-"what would coach hunter say?"

or

a- "andrus is such a butt head.."

m-"yea? what's new? he is an amazing coach though"

i don't think i ever heard him say anything negative about anyone ever. 

then! he got his mission call to Argentina!! 

and of course ALL the xc girls were at his farewell. 

his talk was long. like really long. i sorta feel like he's one of those missionaries that can talk for days..but hey, hispanics can talk for days. so he wa to go to Argentina!

that was the day i decided that i HATED farewells. 

when we left the open house, he gave me a hug and said "see ya in two!' 

and i smiled and almost started to cry.

my best friend was leaving me. 

for 2 whole years. 

i cried that night. 

when he finally went into the MTC,i took my sweet time getting around to writing him. just because i didn't wanna be the first girl to write him. i didn't wanna be the creepy one that would be like "oh hey matt. hi! hi hi hi!!" 

even if he was my best guy friend..

weeeerid. 

so eventually i did write him..it turned out to be his last week at the MTC.

so off he went to Argentina. 

and and now it takes 6 weeks for letters to get there..and i just miss my best friend so much.. 

labscpauienvduinae. 

Ooops

a few days ago i told my dad i wanted a dog.

what did he do?

he went on KSL and was like  oh happy birthday child, lets get you a god. so eventually he was like "okay here's one..contact her and see what's up" 

so because i've been craving a puppy for YEARS and YEARS and FINALLY 

i was getting a puppy!
a 12 week old  purebred yorkie named Brandon. who i was going to retain to answer to Chester.

so what did i do? i emailed this lady Vela Fisher about the puppy i want.

she tells me that they're on some Baptist mission in Switzerland and it's too demanding to keep up with all the care the dogs need. They'll cover the travel fees and everything as long as their dogs have a home.

she asks for 25 dollars so we could get all the names on the paperwork changed. so i begged my mom for the 25 dollars and the okay to get this puppy.

when i told my dad he was sketched out about the whole thing. then i pulled the whole "you have no faith in humanity!!! the glass is half FULL" card..then he was like okay fine..

so i got a money order thinking that if i gave them the reference number they could cash it, but a money order and a money gram are totally different. who knew?

so the dog's name is supposedly under my name. then i got an email from "aircargoeuropa" and they were like "hey if you don't pick your dog up we come after you." 

and i freaked out. i mean what the heck?? i'm not even in switzerland! 

then i get another email and it was like "you need to tell the sender to come back to the airport because we need 1,500 dollars before the dog can fly."

and i was like whaaaat?

so i sent the email back to this lady and she was like oh ya.. we took care 900.00. you need to come up with the 600. by tonight. 

so being naive and puppy starved, i begged and begged. 

the parents said no. 

i only have 200 dollars. when i told this to vela she was like oh we came across the rest. and i was like ooooo! chester is MINE!
then they were like okay. wire your money down to Mexico City and we'll get it and send out dog.
and i was about to when i had a funny feeling about it. so i called the moneygram people and told them i had a money order and what i was trying to do. granted i was almost crying at the thought of 1. my dog all alone at the airport. and 2. the cargo company being like oh hey we're coming for you
so the lady i talked to was super sweet and told me that she was certain this was a scam..and to call the local FBI to make sure
so i did.. and i talked to some man who also said not to worry about it, and that it sounded like a scam to him too
then i called britt and told her everything.
she agreed.
but now i'm puppyless and sad...and i have to tell my dad that he was right. i think that's the hardest part of all this.
basically,i hate ksl.

take a listen

sometimes i come home and listen to music all day long.

but hey, it's sunday. i can. 

this is one of my ABSOLUTE favorites. 

love love loveeeee

just because i love love love boyce avenue and this song is grand.

because you can never go wrong with country music

give thanks

things i'm thankful for 

1. this little monster. she's pretty cool for the most part. 

i love me  my sissy 

2. the fam. they are wonderful (for the most part). but they never cease to love me at the end of the day. xoxo 

retro. where it all began. 

18 years later.

sanchez's. awh, i love em all!

3. sports. in general. they've given me the chance to meet some of my best friends and kept me from being an overweight monster. 

who woulda thought that the girl in second would be my worst enemy then turn into my BEST friend years later? love me some bhoff<3 

awh baby me and britt sparring

nike regionals 2011 

cross season 2011

4. britt brinkerhoff. 

who would have ever thought that two girls who were the top dog at their own studios would have to merge teams and later become best friends? i honestly hated this girl when i first met her. then after a few solid punches and some major brawls, we decided that we liked each other. and here we are, almost 4 years later, besties and soon-to-be roomies. holla at yo gurl:)

5. this kid.

this kid is tay taaaaaay. and he is rather swell. he listens to me when i freak out about nothing, and hugs me and lets me bawl on him when i climb into his car already in tears. he comes to viola things because my little sister asks if he'll be there and he helps me with my math homework on the regular. basically, i kinda love this kid and am super stoked he's around

6. facebook.

it gives me the access to all of my ex-boyfriends girlfriends and all sorts of fun things. it makes stalking so much easier. and i know everyone else is just as thankful for facebook. they're just not willing to admit it. 

7. trials.

i guess it's true. if we didn't know what the bitter was like, we'd never really know how good the sweet really is. in a weird way, i am thankful for all those nights i spent crying into a pillow because of some boy. it's taught me what i do and don't want in a relationship, it's taught me to be thankful for what i have now, and all sorts of fun stuff.

8. deodorant and nail polish

i know i'm not the only one who is thankful for smelling nice

and who the heck doesn't love doing their nails? it's like therapy. only cheaper. 

9. missionaries 

i just think they're awesome. i love getting letters from Matt and hearing all about Argentina. it seems like he should be coming home soon but guess what..it has only been like 7 months. 

10. marines 

all the service men and women really. but i just know a few marines and they are true bad asses. 

11. the church

although sometimes i have the hardest time with it, i like to think that there is some thing out there bigger than anyone of us here calling the shots. that we aren't just here wandering around and fall off the face of the earth when we die. i think i'm finally finding out for myself if the church is really true and i feel like i'm at the crossroad where i decided to truly gain my own testimony or decide that the church isn't for me.

flash back

sometimes i like to pull out the old picture albums 

and just look at all the tons of pictures we have.

basically, i spent my baby years almost naked and my childhood fully dressed on a taekwondo mat. 

 

itty, bitty, newborn me:)

clearly, clothes are for losers. 

very early on i learned that life was hard. oh so very hard. thank goodness for daddy's. 

daddy's girl since 1994

sometimes i forget i'm mexican..then i look at this and think 

oh goodness gracious. i should've been on a soap opera. mexicans are known for that kinda stuff. 

finally

i've decided that mondays are going to be my new favorite day.

or at least second favorite day. 

today, 

i finally got a job

meet your new hostess at the wild mustang grill and bakery

:)

good day eh?

but there was this awkward conversation when i mentioned that if for some reason i never got married, i'd be okay with it. and kels was like "wow. that's a sad life." 

and in my head, it isn't. if for some reason it doesn't work out for me, why would i mope around? i'd get a dog and go play in europe. if i do get married (fingers crossed) then awesome. me and the hubby and puppy will go play in europe. no part of that sounds sad to me..?

i dunno..i just think that it's okay to have a career..and to go play by yourself for a little. but if the right guy asks the question sooner than i figured, i would not hesitate to say yes. i've seen incredible women go to LAW SCHOOL while having a baby. 

also, today i struggled with my math homework..

taylor is in puerto rico..

i'm on my own..

i miss him..

even if i don't see him during the week, it's okay, because he's here. 

he's close-ish.

but now he's super duper far away 

aaaaaaaaaand 

who knows when i'll see him..

hopefully no sharks eat him..

or get attacked by crabs..

i miss him

i can't help but wonder...

i've always grown up being told that the church brings true happiness. 

and for the longest time, i've never thought any different. 

the gospel is light, families are forever, we need to marry return missionaries

but...what happens when the ugly D word rears its head into what seems a happy relationship?

when divorce is being thrown around..what do you do then?

my family was supposed to be happy..we were supposed to be together forever.

and now it seems like we can't even get through a day without anyone fighting, yelling and eventually crying. 

i have so many friends that have parents who love each other and it's obvious to see. so many friends who aren't members of the church and they're so much happier than we are. 

how is that fair in the eternal prospective? 

my family will be together but these other families who really do love each other won't? just because they didn't accept the gospel?

that just doesn't seem fair. 

maybe if it weren't for my college tuition they're taking on..

they'd be less stressed and my family would be okay..

maybe if i had gotten a full ride instead of partial it'd be okay..

maybe if i would....

i don't know what to do. 

when my sister asks me if  it'll be okay, i want to say yes so badly..but knowing that it might not be scares me. 

i can't help but wonder why the idea that temple marriage is ideal has been drilled into my head.. it only makes seeing it fall apart that much harder. 

it terrifies me. 

i'm scared...i don't know what to do..

yes well..

catch up game yes?

last weekend i finally got back into the sparring ring after far too long. 

it was a hard fought match, but oh my, it was fun. never will i ever take a break for that long. Kenzi was an awesome fighter. you win some an lose some right? but i had the best cheerleaders anyone could ever ask for:)

then

taylor went to sadies and i had a girl date with britt!:) 

(this is where i would post a picture of tay and his date..but i feel like that's creepy. and i'm a cool girlfriend so i won't.) 

then 

my sister was like "hey..is taylor coming to my thing?'

(her "thing" is her playing her violin at young women in excellence) 

and i went " i dunno, i'll ask him"

so i was like "so..my sissy has a viola thing and asked if you were coming.." 

then he was like "when and where??:)"

and honestly, it sorta melted my heart when he was so willing to come support my yittle sis.

so he came tonight :) 

then my sister was like "i have a joke."

and i was like "okay?"

then she was like "not for you..for taylor.."

and this is  huge..she hated him for a while..and now she's telling him jokes?? there must be something right with this kid

so she took my phone and started telling jokes to taylor. but she was really tired and he was taking forever to reply but she NEEDED to see what he said..

i dunno..something about that just melted my insides:) 

death sentence

i feel like i might have just signed away  the rest of my life for spring semester. 

i'm taking 15 credits. 

math 1010

english 2010

fitness for life 

polysci 1100

and philosophy 1000

but honestly, i am really super excited about it all. 

rate my professor tells me my instructors are peachy. 

and! my earliest class is 9:) 9, 10, and 11 on fridays:) 

i dig this whole college deal 

7/30 things: job

my dream job would be me sitting in some incredible cute little office watching millions of youtube videos finding cool bands and stuff, 

with an assistant who brought me tea and hot coco oh and cinnamon rolls whenever i asked. 

is that a thing??

meet my current obsessions 

i finally jumped onto this whole imagine dragons band wagon, and i''m a little super sad that i didn't sooner. i love theeeeeeeem 

these too. i feel so indy hipster listening to them  with my flower print pants on sippin on a pumpkin spice latte writing a paper on the election. 

election 2012

i dunno about you..but i was glued to my t.v. watching the election. 

i voted Obama and i am a proud democrat. 

although, i do think that Romney might be better suited for the economic situation, he was no where near where I thought he should have been with social issues. 

NOTE: i said I. ME. WHAT I THINK. 

everything that i think was important was vitalized in President Obama's campaign. like woman's issues and immigration. 

personally, since i'm the one who has the vagina, i think i should be the one who makes the call with what i can do with it. 

just sayin..

oh, i also love all those DIE HARD AMERICANS who bash the president. um really? hypocrites much? i think that "loving" America comes with having respect for it's leadership whether you agree with it or not..but hey, that might just be me.

also, if you're under 18, shut up. you honestly don't know what's going on. you're only saying what you've heard your parents say. 

i personally think that our country is headed somewhere where it needs to be. i am stoked for what these next 4 years will bring. 

6 weeks and counting

the big one nine. 

in six weeks. 

and i've decided on what i want to do. 

1. i want to go to zoo lights. 

2. i want a cable knit blanket.

3. new headphones would be nice.

and last but not least,

4. i want to do 19 secret service acts all throughout the day. like pay for someone's coffee at starbucks, or put change in parking meter or write notes like "you are loved" and "you are beautiful" and leave them on strangers cars, and leave change taped onto vending machines and bring carts back into the store instead of the stalls in the lot, maybe even give out balloons with a shirt that says "Life" on it. screw lemons. life should give you balloons. 

here goes nothing

you know there's a problem when your doctor talks to you and says 

"hey..maybe you should consider moving out.. it's obvious to see that there's   tension." 

even my doctor noticed how crazy my mother is. 

what's lovely is being promised a tuition check for all of undergrad. witho no strings attached  but then the catch being "as long as you major in what we want and go to school where we want and live at home" 

yesterday my dad even said "as soon as she moves out, we're cutting her off"

woah woah woah. 

i guess it's okay to pay out of state tuition for my cousin, pay for my grandparents to live and everything but your own kid has to be your bih.

i guess that changes everything. there goes study abroad...

oh what else sucks is when you tell your mom how unhappy you are, how you DREAM of going to salt lake, how you feel like the black sheep in your own FAMILY and all you get is "talking to you is a waste of time. you're pathetic" 

gnarly. 

first. i need a job. 

save. save. saaaave. 

then move out.

 and never come back.

here's to the adventure of a life time. 

growing up

6/30 Things: hardest

the hardest thing i've ever gone through. 

maybe when i didn't get asked to prom junior year..

or getting a  stress fracture my senior cross country season..

almost not walking at graduation..

getting grounded on my graduation night..

or maybe even getting asked to prom 2 days before the dance.

but with all of those it's all been something materialistic. 

dresses..graduation...parties..

i've never been really hurt by anyone so i always thought it was super easy to forgive and forget. but learning to forgive someone who wasn't supposed to hurt you ever is the hardest. by far. the worst part is when all i want to do is scream "this is YOUR fault. ALL YOUR fault. YOU ruined EVERYTHING." 

but the reality is that it's never any one person's fault. the moment when you realize you have to take ownership of what you did sucks because it clicks. it wasn't all his fault. he didn't ruin everything. i contributed.. 

this whole forgiveness is hard. but i feel like good things come from hard stuff.