last time i blogged, i practically poured my soul into a really well thought out post that i've been DYING to post for almost forever and a half.
hour and a half into it, i clicked "PUBLISH POST" and my screen went blank.
and in itty bitty letters and the bottom of the screen was
"failure to save"
AH. i think i almost cried when i went to bed that night. so i've been enjoying the good old days of journal-ing:)
i even finished one, and went to Barns and Noble and bought a new one:)
this one, hopefully, will be kept up all during senior year
SENIORS
AH.
i need someone to take my senior pictures. :P if anyone knows anyone, let me know:)
Dear dumb blog,
firstly, you are not dumb. i just needed to be creative, and as we all know, that is no where near one of my strong points. oops.
but recently, i feel like i'm being suffocated by the woman who birthed me ( and won't let me forget it..) and the man who knocked her up. no matter what i do, i'm always doing something wrong and awful. yesterday, i went to salt lake with my best friend, karli and her older sister, Brenna. i texted the rents to ask if it was okay with them and i got no answer. so since i was with an adult, i figured that it'd be okay. i mean, i was with an adult, i wasn't driving, i was paying for my own way in and such. oh boy. was i wrong. my mother has taken this new habit of calling me whenever she's livid with me, and letting me know. as well as everyone within 6 feet of me. so i got one of these lovely phone calls and i think that everyone in the space center heard that i was screwed as soon as i stepped foot into my house.
oops. again.
construction is a monster. it's simply awful. and it makes a commute that's a good 30-45 minutes, a solid hour if you're lucky. has anyone met me?? if anything can go wrong with the situation, it will. simply because i'm involved. so as we set off on our journey back home, traffic wasn't horrid. let's just say that it was bad enough that my mother called 3 times. in less then half hour. by the third phone call, she seemed rather chill. i figured that she'd just be too tired and i'd get home, find them in bed, and deal with it in the morning.
wrong. again.
when brenna pulled into my condos, i booked it up the stairs and rushed inside only to find that my mother was ripping the door open as well. i walk in, and my dad is giving me the classic glare (any of my guy friends that have met my dad know). when i was little, the look alone could make me cry. 17 and a half years later, it's kinda just like 'eh. you've over used it.. i'm not scared.. frankly, i could care less...' and i think that he's catching on that his looks are loosing it. so he reverts to yelling, and cutting me off whenever i try to explain. which usually ends up with me in tears because i'm just SO frustrated. talking to the parents sometimes is like talking to a brick wall. actually, no. i'd get further with the brick wall then them. so as my father began his rant, i just handed my keys over, even though they weren't being asked for, and stood there and listened to how i'm going no where in life, because, people who are going somewhere in life, come home on time, they don't disrespect people and come home late. because if you come home late, you are obviously doing drugs, having sex and drinking. what will the neighbors think of me if i'm coming home at absurd hours??! do i want the neighbors to think i'm a whore?? obviously, my dad knows what's up.
usually, he's cool and i have him in my corner. he's a good parent, just sucks at talking to people (me), and he's so stuck up. like he's right and no one else matters. the thought of me being out of his control, freaks the hell out of him. it's cute, i'm daddy's little girl. aw. presh. but i'm almost 18..i can do stuff for myself. i don't need someone holding my hand at all times. even though that wasn't ever him..the thought of me getting married before i graduate from college, makes him want to to punch a wall. SDFJKAKSJGHJKLAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GAH.
i've always thought that once i turn 18, i do what i want. no one can tell me other wise.
um..no.
not unless i want to be homeless. and tuition-less.
and since they're willing to pay for tuition, it feels like i'm stuck pleasing them with everything. where i live, where i go to school, what i major in, what color is in my hair. when i get married. everything.
my only hope for moving out and keeping them happy enough to pay tuition, is if i get a scholarship. housing preferably. if anyone knows of any private scholarships, let me know:) pleaseeee
this sucks. why the heck are we forced to make such major decisions that WILL impact our life, when we're SO young?? it's almost like the world is setting us up for failure. maybe it just seems that way in my world.
the best part is that through all this, there are still other things in life that make me want to scream.
like girls camp, for example. YCL yaaaa. me and two other girls are in charge of planning camp activities for 18 people. with a 30 dollar budget. um? how is that gonna work? we went 40 dollars over.
oops. again.
i just miss my old stake full of the girls that i freaking love:( i know like 3 of the girls in this stake. bleh. and i'm NOT looking forward to seminary graduation. the speaker is prolly gonna be someone from timp seminary. that means NOTHING to me. and i won't be graduating with my friends. instead, with a whole ton of randoms.. woopie..
boys. boys who are on their man period. AH! don't text me if you expect me to keep the conversation going, or if your're going to give me one word answers OR if you don't text me till like 12:45 pm.
bleh.
yours truly,
ali sanchez.
