going crazy

there are so many things running through my head right not it's not normal. 

i should be focusing on the FINAL stretch of my english paper due in 25 minutes. but words aren't coming to me.. women's rights..i feel like i have said everything possible and them some. somehow i need one. more. PARAGRAPH.

what makes this particularly hard is how many random thoughts are in my head..

i need to go running.. i'm getting chubby i feel like. in the notebook when Allie goes "i don't paint anymore.." i feel like i'm sitting here saying "i don't run anymore.." then i realize it's because i have no time. none at all. i come to school, go home and do chores, then work until 8 sometimes 9, then crash. running is what kept me sane for all of high school. why is it now, when i need it the most, i have no time for it?

it breaks my heart a little.

i was on insta and i saw this picture. this girl has amazing hair.. but it was like "staying up late at night thinking of all the wrong i've done to people.. #i'msosorry #otherhashtags #moredepressedhighschooldrama

i don't know this girl. at all. all i know is what i've heard from people and she doesn't have many fans from the group of people i hang out with. but even if i'm totally wrong about what she's referring to, i'm kinda glad she went and hurt certain individuals..because it gave me the opportunity to know certain people on a level that never would have been reached unless we were both broken in a sense.. i guess "pain" is this weirdly gnarly thing. it hurts oh so bad, like double over on your  bed and sob into the early hours of the morning bad but..it makes us that much stronger. weirdness. 

i really need headphones..there are so many conversations going on around me and i don't care about your "Peruvian bread from Mexico.." or "your epic jump shot last night" or even "oh my god. she totally slept with her boyfriend!" that one did make me laugh though. thank goodness for laptops you can hide behind. 

i need a hug..

or flowers..

or a puppy..

or finals to be over. i never thought they would be this bad. i always looked at my college friends and thought "psh..i bet it's not even that bad.." oh hah no. it is that bad and some. 

then when your 6 page research final goes "poof" and you're left with half a paragraph.. you want to kill yourself. 

but thanks to lovely Britt Britt, i somehow got through this. i'm so incredibly glad my best friend is showing me the ropes with this whole "college-finals" thing. i would die without someone so willing to let me cry to them. 

(this was written at 11..and posted at 6:30. my finals are HALF way OVER!! heck to the yes!!)  

i just wanna be a llama..

today has been quite the emotional roller coaster  

and it's not even 4 in the afternoon

it starts with my thoughts going sort of like this 

body: oh! guess what time of the month it is...!!

me: please, goodness no-

ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GOOOOOO

brain: i quit. i quit. puppies and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my gosh salty snacks. i am furious.

me: please, guys, calm down--

face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME!! I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS BIH

brain: and now i'm ugly. jdsbpcjiadbcaeuwi.

torso: time to practice labor. CRAMP!!! go go go GO GOOOO!!!

me: STOP!! AHH FOR THE LOVE OF SUGAR AND SPICE AN EVERYTHING NICE!! please...whimper whimper...

stomach: hahaha you can't wear clothes anymore. you're bloated. like a cooooooooooooow. moo

me: i hate you all.

brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED!!!

face: i'm not done yet..MORE MOUNTAINS!

uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this?

brain: just you wait uterus, they're going to make you hold a baby like that for 9 straight months

torso: CONTRACT

me: i quit being a female. i wanna be a llama. a boy llama.

brain: me gusta..

after the inner turmoil, i went and got ready

see that nasty scar looking thing? that's a burn my friends.
from my straightener.
it's BLISTERING.
getting ready is dangerous. boys, the least you could do is tell a girl she looks pretty.
it makes all the burns worth it.
well, not really. but kinda.

because if there's something i learned this week it's

that you NEVER know who you're going to see around campus.

and lets face it girls, no matter who your ex is or whoever it is you kissed, 

when you see them you want their first thought to be "dang who is that..? oh my heck..is that (insert  name here)?? she's looking good...why did i ever let her go..?? i'll go talk to her"

then this is where we act all uninterested and hope that our hair looks like rock star hair. 

good thing i got ready yesterday!! loose curls, cut offs, simple grey tee and a fun sweatshirt with a pair of light blue toms i stole from my sister. 

kinda like oops, i'm cute..

at least that's what i was going for..i prolly looked more like "i rolled out of bed and these are last nights curls." 

BUT! the point is that this said boy came over and talked to me..and what did i do? 

play it off like it's nothing:)

because it was.

HECK YES!!

i am swamped with homework.

a paper in English 

a page of definitions 

a chapter for English 

a personal statement for clss 1000

a profesh email for clss 1000

a chapter for clss 1000

and 2 math chapters 

and a test tomorrow that i NEED to ace because i didn't turn in my homework quiz because i haven't done my homework yet..because i just got this in the mail

yay valorebooks.com

my lovely book was only twenty five bucks. cheapest book this semester:) 

hello long night a head..

oh, p.s. my mom is working late and my microwave is broken...if anyone wants to bring me dinner

i will forever love you

and make you brownies.

maybe.