i can't help but wonder...

i've always grown up being told that the church brings true happiness. 

and for the longest time, i've never thought any different. 

the gospel is light, families are forever, we need to marry return missionaries

but...what happens when the ugly D word rears its head into what seems a happy relationship?

when divorce is being thrown around..what do you do then?

my family was supposed to be happy..we were supposed to be together forever.

and now it seems like we can't even get through a day without anyone fighting, yelling and eventually crying. 

i have so many friends that have parents who love each other and it's obvious to see. so many friends who aren't members of the church and they're so much happier than we are. 

how is that fair in the eternal prospective? 

my family will be together but these other families who really do love each other won't? just because they didn't accept the gospel?

that just doesn't seem fair. 

maybe if it weren't for my college tuition they're taking on..

they'd be less stressed and my family would be okay..

maybe if i had gotten a full ride instead of partial it'd be okay..

maybe if i would....

i don't know what to do. 

when my sister asks me if  it'll be okay, i want to say yes so badly..but knowing that it might not be scares me. 

i can't help but wonder why the idea that temple marriage is ideal has been drilled into my head.. it only makes seeing it fall apart that much harder. 

it terrifies me. 

i'm scared...i don't know what to do..