that time of day

there comes a time in every semester when you wonder how you'll survive. everything seems like it's piling up on you (and it really is) but you just aren't sure you'll live until midnight the following monday when everything is finally due. 

when that time arrives, you're left in this woe of homework and distractions galore. Devious Maids marathons and the new pandora update just get a lot more interesting. then the cleaning bug bites and before you know it, you're entire room is torn up and there are sacks and sacks of old papers and clothes that I no longer feel like I need. but in all honestly i'll prolly be wishing I had that "one shirt that's a little too short and has a hole because it was cute with that one skirt i wore once"

case study? check

math homework? check 

math test? check 

research paper? working..

ethics paper? you're kidding right?

don't even ask about my reading. blah. 

one of these days i'll catch up on blogging. 

and sleeping. 

because blurry pictures and curls are so hipster. here's to day 3 without washing my hair.

i can't help but wonder...

i've always grown up being told that the church brings true happiness. 

and for the longest time, i've never thought any different. 

the gospel is light, families are forever, we need to marry return missionaries

but...what happens when the ugly D word rears its head into what seems a happy relationship?

when divorce is being thrown around..what do you do then?

my family was supposed to be happy..we were supposed to be together forever.

and now it seems like we can't even get through a day without anyone fighting, yelling and eventually crying. 

i have so many friends that have parents who love each other and it's obvious to see. so many friends who aren't members of the church and they're so much happier than we are. 

how is that fair in the eternal prospective? 

my family will be together but these other families who really do love each other won't? just because they didn't accept the gospel?

that just doesn't seem fair. 

maybe if it weren't for my college tuition they're taking on..

they'd be less stressed and my family would be okay..

maybe if i had gotten a full ride instead of partial it'd be okay..

maybe if i would....

i don't know what to do. 

when my sister asks me if  it'll be okay, i want to say yes so badly..but knowing that it might not be scares me. 

i can't help but wonder why the idea that temple marriage is ideal has been drilled into my head.. it only makes seeing it fall apart that much harder. 

it terrifies me. 

i'm scared...i don't know what to do..