"...you loved me cause i'm fragile...
and i thought that i was strong..."
i used to think that i could do stuff without getting too involved.
"too involved" doesn't exist.
at least not in my world.
either you're involved or your not.
and once you take the time out of your day to facebook stalk, you're involved.
i used to think that i could kinda pull off the whole "i don't care what happens" act..
but that's not me. at all.
i used to think that if the opportunity presented itself and i took it, i could kiss someone and not give it a second thought. because i'm "strong" enough to just move on. if he didn't care, i wouldn't either.
again. i'm wrong.
these past few weeks have just been full of me learning a whole ton of things!
most, the hard way.
in my head, i like to think that i'm invincible. i do what i want, when i want. and i can't hurt anyone, unless i want to. and i never get hurt or too involved.
buuuuut, life, of course, is the exact opposite.
i do what i want, when i want.. as long as the parents say it's okay
i tend to hurt those closest to me
i always end up too involved and that leads to me getting hurt
but that's high school right?
you figure out who you really are and what your limits are?
eh. i'm not sure i like that very much.
up until this point, i loved school.
like the social part. not the classes. who actually likes their classes? i mean really..?
but i guess there's a time in everyone's life when things just fall apart (or so they seem) and they just wanna quit?
teenage angst much?
yeah. we're best friends almost.
my newest catch phrase seems to be "yea well... my life is hard.."
and really, it's not.
i get fed everyday. my car has gas. i have a car. i have a family. and i have friends. i have a date to morp.
i have decent grades. my skin is pretty clear. i'm one of the top girls at tkd. i have the worlds best coaches. and lots of other things.
my life is only really hard when i make it..
we have gross food. i need more gas. i need a better car. i need different friends. i need better grades. i need to stop breaking out. i need different running shoes.
i just needa stop.
i need a new attitude and i've seriously gotta get some things straight here.
like the whole "i can roll with the big boys and play around.."
no.
i can't.
i get too involved and end up crying into a stuffed animal pillow at night.
and i'm sure that with enough practice, i could get good at it, but it's not something i really need to rock at.
but i'm okay with too involved. sometimes. it just means i actually care about the person and i don't treat guys like tissues.
the whole "no one gets how hard it is for utah valley mormon kids" thing.
but that's high school right?
you figure out who you really are and what your limits are?
eh. i'm not sure i like that very much.
up until this point, i loved school.
like the social part. not the classes. who actually likes their classes? i mean really..?
but i guess there's a time in everyone's life when things just fall apart (or so they seem) and they just wanna quit?
teenage angst much?
yeah. we're best friends almost.
my newest catch phrase seems to be "yea well... my life is hard.."
and really, it's not.
i get fed everyday. my car has gas. i have a car. i have a family. and i have friends. i have a date to morp.
i have decent grades. my skin is pretty clear. i'm one of the top girls at tkd. i have the worlds best coaches. and lots of other things.
my life is only really hard when i make it..
we have gross food. i need more gas. i need a better car. i need different friends. i need better grades. i need to stop breaking out. i need different running shoes.
i just needa stop.
i need a new attitude and i've seriously gotta get some things straight here.
like the whole "i can roll with the big boys and play around.."
no.
i can't.
i get too involved and end up crying into a stuffed animal pillow at night.
and i'm sure that with enough practice, i could get good at it, but it's not something i really need to rock at.
but i'm okay with too involved. sometimes. it just means i actually care about the person and i don't treat guys like tissues.
the whole "no one gets how hard it is for utah valley mormon kids" thing.
ya. life is hard. even harder for momo kids.
but even harder for mormon kids with not mormon best friends.
don't get me wrong by any means, i love my friends. i couldn't ask for anything better. if anything, i'm glad that none of them are really mormon, it forces me to have to stand up for what i think is right. it's all me.
and when i don't, which is more often then i'd like, it's all on me.
no one to blame.
but things sometimes suck. cause the pressure of being the mormon one is so crazy intense. it's like everyone's waiting for me to mess up so they can jump on that. and i don't like it. it's one of the reason's i'm done with utah almost. i hate walking down the street in shorts and getting looks.
yes, i'm mormon. i love starbucks, shorts, tank tops, bikinis and some days i hate waking up for church.
i don't know where i'm going with this post.. so i think this is a good spot to end.
that, and it's 12:13 and i have to wake up for another rousing week of junior year at 6:00.
awesome:)
DAY 15: (more like day 45, but one day, i'll get to 31:) hopefully )
a picture of where you'd like to live someday
but even harder for mormon kids with not mormon best friends.
don't get me wrong by any means, i love my friends. i couldn't ask for anything better. if anything, i'm glad that none of them are really mormon, it forces me to have to stand up for what i think is right. it's all me.
and when i don't, which is more often then i'd like, it's all on me.
no one to blame.
but things sometimes suck. cause the pressure of being the mormon one is so crazy intense. it's like everyone's waiting for me to mess up so they can jump on that. and i don't like it. it's one of the reason's i'm done with utah almost. i hate walking down the street in shorts and getting looks.
yes, i'm mormon. i love starbucks, shorts, tank tops, bikinis and some days i hate waking up for church.
i don't know where i'm going with this post.. so i think this is a good spot to end.
that, and it's 12:13 and i have to wake up for another rousing week of junior year at 6:00.
awesome:)
DAY 15: (more like day 45, but one day, i'll get to 31:) hopefully )
a picture of where you'd like to live someday
 |
| greece:) |
 |
| hola madrid. como estas?? :) |
 |
| venice italy:) |
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