pre-finals week

finals are next week

well sorta. 

i have my final presentation and final paper due on thursday.

then i have a math final in a week and a bio final sometime next week too.

i'm freaking out. 

i have tons of studying that needs doing

before i kill myself i found pins that make me happy

enjoy

grumpy kitty:)

oh ya, i got a letter from Matt today!!:) 

my birthday is in 13 days:)

work opens in 10 days..

finals start in 3 days..

i just don't want to do my homework. 

ink'ed

ladies and gents. 

i'm getting a tattoo.

either for the big one nine

or when i move to salt lake.

the way i see it, 

it's a start to a new chapter in my life.

 being independent,

not caring what others think, 

loving myself,

 remembering what myself and others are worth, 

 not judging myself, 

accepting everyone.

 doing what i want, not what i think others want from me. after all, i am the one living with my decisions. even if that makes those around me unhappy.. 

i've always had this weird thing with anchors. i sorta love them. i think part of me is a mermaid. i think the only reason i don't know how to swim is because the craving of the ocean would kill me. i've always loved how the ocean is just there. it doesn't do anything to get attention. it's just going about it's business peacefully..beautifully..mysteriously..

i just love it.  

right now i'm thinking something super small. i don't want anything too flashy. after all this is for me. no one else. 

an anchor on my heel..or side of my foot. 

either brown or white ink..

but the idea is young and there is much time to play around with.

my life

for my final paper in my english class

i'm writing about gender equality.

it's really made me aware of a lot more things in my day to day life 

and even in my family. 

if i was a boy, i'm positive i wouldn't have a curfew.

i'm positive i could hang out with whoever i wanted whenever i wanted.

it would be totally different then how i get treated now.

i'm basically 19..

a freshman in college,

my curfew is 11:30 on weekends and 9 on weekdays. 

i can't hang out with other boys because i have a boyfriend. 

i'm expected to work and pay for everything other than food and school for myself. 

wasn't one of the perks of living at home getting everything paid for? at this rate, i might as well move out. 

this is stupid because i know for a fact that if i was a boy, none of this would be happening. 

so it is now 8 o'clock on a saturday night and i'm home alone while my parents are at a movie.

this is exactly why i have no friends.

i hate my mother sometimes. 

mission boys

matt benson..

mattie boy benson.

matt was senior my junior year of cross. for the longest time i thought he was sorta hilarious but he was a SENIOR BOY. on VARSITY.

i couldn't talk to him..there was no way. 

so i waited until he talked to me. and he did.

we sat next to each other the entire ride home from idaho. and every time we got on any bus together it restarted a never ending match of "yellow car" 

he was just so easy to talk to and basically he was one of, if not my best guy friend. 

i could literally talk to him about anything. running, school, other boys. 

although i rarely did because i secretly thought he was super cute.. 

then he graduated and went to USU and i started my senior year at MV.

we sorta lost touch for a while just because he was so far away. and with cross being a summer thing too, usually you don't stop talking with your team because you're with each other allllll summer long..so it was weird not having him around.

it was kinda funny though, one day in the locker room, this girl who was friends with matt's little sister, who was a sophomore last year, was like "OH!! so YOU'RE Ali!! i've heard so much about you!!" and i was like "whaaaaat?" then she goes "Well sorta. Tammy one day was like 'That's her.. Matt talks about that girl all the time. she's really pretty'" and of course i was like "haha oh. well yeah, i'm Ali!" but inside i was like "AHH! MATT TALKS ABOUT ME ALL THE TIME!!" clearly that ment he was in love with me. duh. 

kidding. totes kidding tay..:)

ANYWAYS

eventually we got over that awkwardness and he was back to being my bestie. and basically, it was back to the usual. 

a- "matt. i don't wanna run today"

m-"what would coach hunter say?"

or

a- "andrus is such a butt head.."

m-"yea? what's new? he is an amazing coach though"

i don't think i ever heard him say anything negative about anyone ever. 

then! he got his mission call to Argentina!! 

and of course ALL the xc girls were at his farewell. 

his talk was long. like really long. i sorta feel like he's one of those missionaries that can talk for days..but hey, hispanics can talk for days. so he wa to go to Argentina!

that was the day i decided that i HATED farewells. 

when we left the open house, he gave me a hug and said "see ya in two!' 

and i smiled and almost started to cry.

my best friend was leaving me. 

for 2 whole years. 

i cried that night. 

when he finally went into the MTC,i took my sweet time getting around to writing him. just because i didn't wanna be the first girl to write him. i didn't wanna be the creepy one that would be like "oh hey matt. hi! hi hi hi!!" 

even if he was my best guy friend..

weeeerid. 

so eventually i did write him..it turned out to be his last week at the MTC.

so off he went to Argentina. 

and and now it takes 6 weeks for letters to get there..and i just miss my best friend so much.. 

labscpauienvduinae. 

Ooops

a few days ago i told my dad i wanted a dog.

what did he do?

he went on KSL and was like  oh happy birthday child, lets get you a god. so eventually he was like "okay here's one..contact her and see what's up" 

so because i've been craving a puppy for YEARS and YEARS and FINALLY 

i was getting a puppy!
a 12 week old  purebred yorkie named Brandon. who i was going to retain to answer to Chester.

so what did i do? i emailed this lady Vela Fisher about the puppy i want.

she tells me that they're on some Baptist mission in Switzerland and it's too demanding to keep up with all the care the dogs need. They'll cover the travel fees and everything as long as their dogs have a home.

she asks for 25 dollars so we could get all the names on the paperwork changed. so i begged my mom for the 25 dollars and the okay to get this puppy.

when i told my dad he was sketched out about the whole thing. then i pulled the whole "you have no faith in humanity!!! the glass is half FULL" card..then he was like okay fine..

so i got a money order thinking that if i gave them the reference number they could cash it, but a money order and a money gram are totally different. who knew?

so the dog's name is supposedly under my name. then i got an email from "aircargoeuropa" and they were like "hey if you don't pick your dog up we come after you." 

and i freaked out. i mean what the heck?? i'm not even in switzerland! 

then i get another email and it was like "you need to tell the sender to come back to the airport because we need 1,500 dollars before the dog can fly."

and i was like whaaaat?

so i sent the email back to this lady and she was like oh ya.. we took care 900.00. you need to come up with the 600. by tonight. 

so being naive and puppy starved, i begged and begged. 

the parents said no. 

i only have 200 dollars. when i told this to vela she was like oh we came across the rest. and i was like ooooo! chester is MINE!
then they were like okay. wire your money down to Mexico City and we'll get it and send out dog.
and i was about to when i had a funny feeling about it. so i called the moneygram people and told them i had a money order and what i was trying to do. granted i was almost crying at the thought of 1. my dog all alone at the airport. and 2. the cargo company being like oh hey we're coming for you
so the lady i talked to was super sweet and told me that she was certain this was a scam..and to call the local FBI to make sure
so i did.. and i talked to some man who also said not to worry about it, and that it sounded like a scam to him too
then i called britt and told her everything.
she agreed.
but now i'm puppyless and sad...and i have to tell my dad that he was right. i think that's the hardest part of all this.
basically,i hate ksl.

take a listen

sometimes i come home and listen to music all day long.

but hey, it's sunday. i can. 

this is one of my ABSOLUTE favorites. 

love love loveeeee

just because i love love love boyce avenue and this song is grand.

because you can never go wrong with country music

give thanks

things i'm thankful for 

1. this little monster. she's pretty cool for the most part. 

i love me  my sissy 

2. the fam. they are wonderful (for the most part). but they never cease to love me at the end of the day. xoxo 

retro. where it all began. 

18 years later.

sanchez's. awh, i love em all!

3. sports. in general. they've given me the chance to meet some of my best friends and kept me from being an overweight monster. 

who woulda thought that the girl in second would be my worst enemy then turn into my BEST friend years later? love me some bhoff<3 

awh baby me and britt sparring

nike regionals 2011 

cross season 2011

4. britt brinkerhoff. 

who would have ever thought that two girls who were the top dog at their own studios would have to merge teams and later become best friends? i honestly hated this girl when i first met her. then after a few solid punches and some major brawls, we decided that we liked each other. and here we are, almost 4 years later, besties and soon-to-be roomies. holla at yo gurl:)

5. this kid.

this kid is tay taaaaaay. and he is rather swell. he listens to me when i freak out about nothing, and hugs me and lets me bawl on him when i climb into his car already in tears. he comes to viola things because my little sister asks if he'll be there and he helps me with my math homework on the regular. basically, i kinda love this kid and am super stoked he's around

6. facebook.

it gives me the access to all of my ex-boyfriends girlfriends and all sorts of fun things. it makes stalking so much easier. and i know everyone else is just as thankful for facebook. they're just not willing to admit it. 

7. trials.

i guess it's true. if we didn't know what the bitter was like, we'd never really know how good the sweet really is. in a weird way, i am thankful for all those nights i spent crying into a pillow because of some boy. it's taught me what i do and don't want in a relationship, it's taught me to be thankful for what i have now, and all sorts of fun stuff.

8. deodorant and nail polish

i know i'm not the only one who is thankful for smelling nice

and who the heck doesn't love doing their nails? it's like therapy. only cheaper. 

9. missionaries 

i just think they're awesome. i love getting letters from Matt and hearing all about Argentina. it seems like he should be coming home soon but guess what..it has only been like 7 months. 

10. marines 

all the service men and women really. but i just know a few marines and they are true bad asses. 

11. the church

although sometimes i have the hardest time with it, i like to think that there is some thing out there bigger than anyone of us here calling the shots. that we aren't just here wandering around and fall off the face of the earth when we die. i think i'm finally finding out for myself if the church is really true and i feel like i'm at the crossroad where i decided to truly gain my own testimony or decide that the church isn't for me.