Post D-Day

I'm not sure what to think right now.. I totally forgot about it the day of but it hit me today. And I'm not sure what I feel like right now.. I just miss my best friend right now. This is one of those times when I'd call her up and we'd head over to coffee and talk for hours and she'd always know just what to say. 

Double post because I can

Instead of waiting to process all this then make one blog post, I just have a lot to say and it's slowly but surely working it's way in my head. 

I have guaranteed admission at the U as long as I get a 2.3 gpa. Which after a traumatic last semester is going to be hard but doable. Fingers crossed. 

It's a lot of money to go to a real university. Almost twice as much as UVU.

I feel sort of like a little brat fish at UVU. Kind of like "get out of my way. I've been here for years and I'm over it" but at the U I feel like an itty bitty fish in this huge tank full of graduate students. Kinda like the goldfish at Walmart. There are so many and you blink and never see the same one again. But really everyone that I'm going to class with is undergrad but I'm still intimidated. 

Plans always change. At UVU I'm a political sciene major with an emphasis in international relations and a minor in Spanish. At the U I'd be an international politics major, international studies major AND Spanish minor. Well that's a mouthful. But for a few extra classes I guess it's worth double majoring right? 

Goodbye Utah county

You know you're in Utah county when... 1. you walk down the halls of a university and there are at least 15 people wearing BYU shirts (and you aren't even on BYU campus) 

2. The guy covered in tattoos is getting started at down the hall.

3. Wedding rings left and right. 

You know you've left Utah county when...

1. There are people smoking on campus 

2. High waisted pants, short skirts and high knee socks are the norm

3. The hallways smell like coffee 

4. Hairy men left and right. 

I think I just might love the salty city

so much

it's amazing how much there can be in 3 pages of paper. 

my patriarchal blessing is 3 pages long and when i stumble across it from time to time i read it and i bawl. every.single.time. 

when i'm in an insecure place in life, it always reminds me that there is someone that loves me and knows who i am. there are things in there that are INCREDIBLE. there is no doubt in my mind that my blessing is mine. and no one elses. i haven't let anyone ever read any part of it.. i've shared itty bitty pieces with one of my best friends and that's it. i don't cry too often when i read or watch movies, but this gets me every single time and i love it.. someday i might just share it a little bit more.. 

come what may and love it.

i still don't think i'm quite ready to say that it's all true, but i do love it.. 

Too much too soon

Sometime s I have way too much time on my hands and I start thinking of all the possible things that could go wrong with everything that's up in the air for next year. 

What happened if I don't get into either school..? What then? My entire life literally over and  then  I lose it all...what next? When these sort of things start creeping into my head I can't help but get this knot in my stomach and my throat gets all tight and then I realize no one gets to luck out of "that feeling" when  applying to school. I guess I did last year but that's not where I want to be so I guess it's my turn now. Now I apply and hopelessly wait and break out because that's what happenes when I stress. 

leave me here to die.

i guess it's my fault. 

i did wait until the last minute to figure out my assignment due tomorrow at 8 am. but i figured the last one wasn't too hard and i didn't get slaughtered too badly that it'd be okay. 

boy oh boy. 

two pages (which is really just a single spaced page. thank god for double spacing) on East Timor and the UN involvement. 

 you say Timor, i think Lion King

when really it's a country. 

i just wanna sleep and be left alone really. 

so consider this my apology if i was rude to anyone today or if i seemed short and interested. i'm just stressed and grouchy. 

cleansing.

there is something really comforting about opening up a sparring bag and smelling your gear for the first time in months. it's a little like plastic and sweat and home...

sparring is home. 

i went back today to my old studio and sparred for the first time in months and boy oh boy was it good to be back. those were the longest 3 minutes of my life. 

but... it felt a little weird too. sort of like i had outgrown the place. it was comforting but i just didn't fit in like i once did. it's was pleasant validation that quitting was the right thing to do.

taekwondo did so much for me and it will forever have a special place in my heart, but it's okay to move on and not have everything figured out. it's okay to outgrow dreams and make new ones. 

like woah

it's super easy to get all excited for the future and talk about all the plans you have. from the color of the walls in the bathroom to the giant rug you want to have in the living room. but then you look at your planner and it all hits you so hard you feel like throwing up.
-midterms are next week. which means HALF of the semester is over.
-8 weeks until FINALS. which i need to ace because i'm applying to not one, but TWO schools to judge my academic excellence thus far.
-the admissions process all over again. being at home for these past two years really retarded me. I was heart broken when I didn't get into BYU, but I had a back up plan. I knew I was going to school in the fall. Come next fall, i'm in limbo. Either I go to the U in salt lake (which has literally been my dream since I was 6. I kid you not.) or I go to Logan. and the scary thing is, the more research I do with regards to USU...the more I fall in like with it. And i just don't want to. my dream is salt lake. NOT logan. but what if i'm a better fit in Logan...?
All these awful, gut wrenching questions are starting to bubble up and I feel like throwing up. but i suppose all great adventures start like this no?

that time of day

there comes a time in every semester when you wonder how you'll survive. everything seems like it's piling up on you (and it really is) but you just aren't sure you'll live until midnight the following monday when everything is finally due. 

when that time arrives, you're left in this woe of homework and distractions galore. Devious Maids marathons and the new pandora update just get a lot more interesting. then the cleaning bug bites and before you know it, you're entire room is torn up and there are sacks and sacks of old papers and clothes that I no longer feel like I need. but in all honestly i'll prolly be wishing I had that "one shirt that's a little too short and has a hole because it was cute with that one skirt i wore once"

case study? check

math homework? check 

math test? check 

research paper? working..

ethics paper? you're kidding right?

don't even ask about my reading. blah. 

one of these days i'll catch up on blogging. 

and sleeping. 

because blurry pictures and curls are so hipster. here's to day 3 without washing my hair.

done and done.

hi..my  name is Ali and I cater weddings and I love it. 

I get to plate food and judge people's weddings and eat all the over-frosted chocolate cake i could ever want. it's really kinda great. 

everyone I've worked with so far has been really super nice and the job itself isn't hard. it's a lot of down time and a lot of travel time too. but I get paid for that so it's really okay. the other day we did a wedding in Richfield. Taytater said it was up north so I really was sorta excited. turns out it was 2 hours down south. lemme tell you, anything past springville is gross. and ugly and there are more cows and sheep than people. and all the church buildings are generic copies of each other. everyone was so rude and kept walking through the kitchen and coming in and complaining that they were in dire need of knifes and that the lemonade wasn't strong enough. can you say totally rude??

the reception the night before was totally different. everyone kept talking to us and saying how amazing everything looked and they even did half the bussing when we were cleaning up. 

I almost expect people from so far down south to have these ghetto, nasty, camo wedding dress weddings but then I realize that they're spending around 2-3 thousand dollars on food alone... it's prolly a pretty nice wedding. and so far they have been. this week i'm catering 3 all in orem at Sleepy Ridge. i sort of have high hopes for those. i'll let you know how it goes. 

and today!! i work at sweeto burrito!!:) it's a food truck, and normally I hate food jobs but everyone so far seems super nice. i kinda dig it. hopefully they're willing to work around my catering schedule. if not, then i'm totally going to a summer camp to make monies. but lets keep 'em fingers crossed!! 

here's to a new beginning

yesterday I was laid off, and today i have an interview. 

holler. it's a hosting gig at station 22 but hey, an interview is an interview right? i've applied to jobs all day today and most of yesterday. I sort of knew it was coming. 

yesterday i also signed on my car with a newer, lower interest rate! and my car payment went down by 70 bucks! when you're unemployed, that's a lot and luckily i saved a car payment before i got laid off. 

it's a little funny how things work. fingers crossed that I get a well paying job soon!

so there's lots.

my lover/best friend has been gone for almost a month and in a weird way, i feel like we're closer than ever really. we're both making mutual efforts to stay in each other's lives and it's great. i love having someone always there who i can call when i'm upset about people raining on my parade. a whole ocean has nothing on this dynamic duo. oh and for spring break, guess who's heading to the island?!?! :) holla!

school has officially started. 

my math class so far has been going great. my teacher is a developmental math teacher, so really she's  used to teaching dumb kids. and i love it because when it comes to math, i end up on the silent floor of the library during finals week sobbing on my table (true story).

international relations seems like it's going to be a toughie but Sonya is going to love me. the first day went like this..

Sonya: "You are all COLLEGE SENIORS. I expect collegiate level work and will accept nothing less. If you're missing a comma, you'll get docked. If you're missing a period, you'll get docked. If your header is half your page and you have the audacity to count that towards your two-page paper, YOU WILL BE DOCKED. You are all going to be looking for jobs and grad schools in the near future so I expect you to write like so."

and all i'm thinking is "oh shit.. um.. some of us, well maybe just me, want to transfer just for UNDERGRAD. no one said ANYTHING about grad school...that's why you get married...(hahahaha totes kidding) oh shit. " 

I feel like she's going to the the Drachulich of my college experience. Mrs. D was my sophomore  english honors teacher and her class was SO HARD. i"m pretty confident is saying it was the hardest class I took at MV. but to this day, i love it. I feel like i took SO much from it that I got from no other teacher. I feel like Sonya Conrad will be in the same boat. 

International Terrorism. the book is a hard read. i'm already a chapter behind and we have like book report tests. So there's no bullshitting this one. i made a friend in that class. i think she's like 50. but hey, a friend is a friend. 

ethics is good. the reads there are a lot like my philosophy class last year. long and dry. but my professor is really animated so that keeps things lively. 

work is work and my days are so long with work and school. i get up at 5:45 and i don't get home until 9. thankfully that's only on monday and wednesday's. my tuesday and thursdays are a lot more relaxed and my fridays are weird. 

tayter and i went on a double (it's like we have real friends!!!) with sierra stoppa and spencer vogel TO THE ZOOOOOOOO. SO MUCH FUN. I just LOVE the zoo!!! it's an awful place though, wild aminals locked up for my enjoyment?? sad,but i'll take it in case i never make it to africa to see a wild lion or a giraffe. the zoo is the next best thing:) and i love it. for dinner we went to street tacos! the ones where you think you might get like swine flu from going to, but here we are! a week later and healthy as can be! they weren't bad either!
i like to think that the boy and I are sort of like rock stars. I mean we made it through an entire summer of working literally opposite schedules, football season, a school year with him working, and now we're taking on a school year with both of us working. so far so good! i knew he was a keeper.

here's to good grades, acceptance letters, and chai!

sweet victories.

and the first day of my last year at UVU begins in a few hours.
there is no way in hell that i'm really a SOPHOMORE in freaking COLLEGE. friend applications are now being accepted. this is so crazy. UVU is sort of like my own personal hell. i hate it there but there's something so exciting about almost being done.

• i have to have a meeting with my major advisor at the U this semester
• i apply for GRADUATION on the 5th of October 
• i apply for ADMISSIONS in January (possibly housing too) 
• i hear back by may
• then i cry. tears of excitement.  no other option. 

it's all coming together so nicely i cannot wait to see what's coming up next.

i feel as if i am finally at peace with myself. with most aspects of my life.
religion wise, i'm still quite not sure the mormon church is where i am meant to be. i know there's something out there that's much bigger than i am, whether that be God or the universe i acknowledge it. i know prayer is real. and whatever out there hears and loves me.

" Some say that heaven's far away..but I feel it close around me as I pray." 

we not me..

i went car shopping today. 

and i'm excited to be driving this new baby around..

i guess it's really not a baby. it's a mini SUV. but when i saw it, i sort of fell in love. i feel a little taken advantage of because it's not what i had my heart set on, or what i intended on spending either. i realistically wanted to stay under $7500. they had a red beetle that was $6500 but it wasn't in the lot. they made me feel like they were really listening to me and like he really wanted to sell me something i would love. and i mean i do love this car but i am missing petunia already.. a lot actually. but now, i'm $10,000.00 in debt.. and somehow have to try and save a total of $2500.00 for the big move to salt lake in a year. 

when i went into the dealership i guess i was only thinking of myself. i wanted this car. because i drive around a junker that doesn't start. i need this...

and even though i'm in love with this, was it really worth going to bed angry for? not really... 

oh wait..

sometimes when i read other blogs and they're all sappy and oooey-gooey the judgey side of me rears it's ugly face and thinks "puuuhleeease. your future? you JUST graduated. you're future is getting a crappy part-time and getting smacked in the face with the harsh realities of finals week"  but then in a split second i remember "oh wait.. i've had that talk and made those plans.." and my heart can't help but ache for this sweet girl. i feel so lucky in a way because i'm home. i'm close to one of the most important people in my life right now. we don't have to play long distance and i love it.

come what may and love it right?

mrs.

i always swore i would never ever be that girl who was crazy excited to get married. of course I would be once it came around, once I got that Tiffany's rock on my finger but not before then. even if that meant waiting years and years for him to come around, i'd be okay with that. but the more I think about it, the more I open my mind, the more and more excited I get for a wedding that isn't even in the works. the thought of waking up every single morning to the person you love sounds amazing. maybe it's just the utah county girl in me but i can't wait. or maybe it's because pinterest is full of wedding dresses and this sorta stuff, i can't help to be so excited to someday be a mrs. and then again it might be my enraged ovaries blogging here.

because i'm creepy and love it. 

whirl wind

powell was great. 

i now look like an orphan that could be adopted for two dollars a day. 

for not having the dynamic duo of jason and jackie, we fended for ourselves pretty well. the night that stands out the most was wednesday night. costa for dinner night. hay hay and muggs were on the boat, the kitchen was the cool place to hang out at, and 12 inch whispers went out the window. it gave me a sneak peak into what married with children life would be like. over all, it was a hell of away to start the end of summer. a week with the best bitches out there? yes please. 

my best friend leaves in 8 days... 

i feel weird about it..i think it's really starting to hit me. i cannot tell you how many times i've gone to send a butt face snapchat to kels and then go "wait..she's gone..." and now britt's leaving., 

 classes start in 3 weeks and 6 days. i accepted my scholarship and have to take my letter in to "Formally Accept" it. the tuition deadline is in 15 days. lets hope i don't get screwed. i also need clothes...and a car...and books...sigh

i got home from powell close to 10 pm, and guess who was at my door not even half hour after? the boy:) whenever i leave, i leave to places where i have no service so i can't talk to him for a week at a time. when he leaves, he goes to civilized places where we still talk. it was sort of the best thing ever when i opened my door and there he was. i was officially home. 

i got an email from Elder Snow,  a letter from Hermana Carlson and i'm still meaning to write Mark and Meg.. 

life just keeps on commin and some days i just want to curl up in a ball and sleep..

i don't leave because there's a 14 year old who wakes up crying asking if it'll all be okay.

i only respect you because you raised me. not because you deserve it. 

this isn't supposed to happen this way. they did everything right and yet it's falling apart.

and there's nothing i can do except watch helplessly. 

because it's summer.

when summer comes along...

1. people decide to go on missions. 

like kelsey. one of my best friends since the 7th grade when we were both awkward and weird. Now after years of running cross, we're grown up and still really awkward and prolly even more weird.
 

we like to pretend that we got normal.

lies. it 's all a lie. 

2. it was the 4th of july! and why the heck to we even call it the fourth?? it's not like we call christmas the 25th of december. Ya dig??? anyways, me britt jade and shayla went and played on the parade route. it was hot and sticky all night. but it was an adventure for sure. then on the actual day, tay came over after i got off work and we watched hunger games! then he brushed my hairs, and i tried to get ready then we got food and watched fireworks with his fam bam. and my pal Krew was there. he's the only baby who's still cute when he's sticky...which is often.

3. I'm making efforts to refriend my old friends. 

 4. i'm being a savy shopper and going to 4th of july sales because i'm poor.. 

5. i went tubing down provo river with these cool cats!

it was most definitely one hell of an adventure.

it was 100 degrees when we got there. 

it was a hurricane when we got off the river half way through. 

shaunie and i thought we were going to die. 

                                                                                                                                             

summer 2013

things to do this summer: 

{GOALS}

{} save $700.00 this summer NOT including books 

{} go to lake powell 

{} eat out only once a week 

{} hit the gym at least 4 times a week 

{} blog more often 

{} make a budget and keep it

{} keep petunia clean 

{} buy new clothes 

{} get eyelashes 

{} write all my missionaries
[ellie eyestone, megan runnells, kelsey carlson, mark dawson, and austin snow] 

{} run a race 

{} go camping

{} movie up the canyon 

{} learn to make dinner 

{} refriend my old friends
{} go to kelsey's farewell
{} donate plasma
{} hike once a week
{} run to bums beach
{} seriously look into a car loan
{} keep my room clean
{} redecorate my room
{} go to a summer concert
{} take biotin every day
{} no soda for the rest of summer
{} learn to make spoon rings
{} take pictures
{} try a new snow cone place
{} go to sunday silly
{} avoid [more] exhaust burns