us vs. them

i feel like pinterest is FULL of quotes like "you don't chose who you love" blah blah blah. and i couldn't agree more. but no where in these pages upon pages do you find "except if you're gay. because if you're gay, you chose to love them and now we're denying you of all the rights married people get. because there is something wrong with you and you don't deserve them." at least i haven'f found anything like that.. 

it's kinda funny to think about. the pilgrims came here for religious freedom. is there a billboard somewhere that says "WELCOME to America! home of the free and Christians "? why are we forcing christian views on people who don't want them? so much for religious freedom? 

what in the world made us think this was okay? kim kardashian can get married and call it quits for 72 DAYS and that's okay but gays who've been in love for YEARS can't?

America is all about the freedoms we have. then why are we denying them to people because of who they love? that's not equality. if you're against the gays getting married then fine. no one is forcing YOU to do it. but get your nose out of other people's happiness. if marriage can be a "civil ceremony"  then it sure as hell better be a "civil RIGHT"  and anyone who thinks it's okay to discriminate against people over something they can't control, is an ignorant douche. 

mondays.

in this house the "i'm having a bad day" face means 

"ASK ME WHAT WENT WRONG. TELL ME EVERYTHING. STOP CRYING." 

it also gets translated into..

"HELP ME WITH EVERYTHINGGGGGGGG." 

and normally, helping with editing something isn't too bad, except when it's "help me open a word document. it's not on the computer." 

and the first thing that jumps into my mind is "you dumb fuh. yes it is. do you NOT go to school? the public school system can't be THAT bad. you're just an idiot." 

then when people start yelling at me, i lose it.. 

i wanna curl up and cry. if anyone needs me i'll be in bed. sulking in my tears. 

clarity.

"a few times in my life i've had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and i can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last  I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, an i realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be." 

the thought of absolute clarity is nice and refreshing. what's even better is feeling like i'm getting closer. not really knowing, just feeling that somehow it'll all work out. <3

when it strikes

you know that wall you hit right when you're well on your way to having a productive day? 

yeah..that's where i'm at. 

it's 5 and i went to my poly sci class, gave my one-weeks notice at work because... drum roll please.. i got me a new job!:) customer service baby. goodbye dishrags and tray jacks, and hello phones and offices. then i went to my oral surgeon. these 4 bad boys are gonna cost my parents about $615.80. but i'm worth it right? after that, i came back to UVU to meet with my mentor. she's a doll and her name is Michele. her son was nice too.. but now i'm waiting for an extra credit lecture. " Dr. Robert McMahon- Turning Point: The Vietnam's War's' Pivotal Year"

doesn't that just sound like a hoot? if you said yes, you lie like a rug. it sounds like a stuffy lecture from a PHD who prolly has his head up his butt. 

today i'm supposed to pound out all my PES homework. and it's taking a lot longer than i anticipated. so i should prolly get back to that. but my thoughts keep lingering back to dinner and what new foundation i should use, because this muck i'm using makes me feel oily and like someone dipped my face in an oil tub at McDonald's. ew.. 

floating.

i'm a little bit terrified because i know what i want to do and what i should do are two totally different things. 

each with it's own positive outcome. so that only makes things harder. 

i feel so burnt out to keep on going with what i want to do. yet, i feel so incapable of doing what i should do. 

and i'm scared to keep pondering about it because i feel like i already know my answer but i'm not ready to face it. i'm not actually sure i'll ever be ready to face it. 

simplicity at it's finest

sometimes the simple little things are the ones that make it so great. 

the other day taylor came and got me and we just went shopping. it was a typical day at the mall filled with dressing rooms and fashion advice. 

started off at lowes, then hobby lobby in search for a white board. new favorite store? i think yes. if only i was crafty. but black boards and cork boards make anyone look crafty right? so many ideas for my soon-to-come apartment:) 

we went to starbucks somewhere in that and we ended the day at target in search for fabric paint. 

we didn't do much but it was so fun at the same time. it's nice to know that we can do normal, simple things and just enjoy each other's company without any fluff. :)

sigh..

after i hit the gym with dear brittany, she kills me.

and i'm starving afterwards. and i feel very justified in wanting to eat all the grilled chicken and dressing cafe rio has, all the red velvet cupcakes i find, and all the strawberry sorbet walmart and target have. combined. 

then maybe wash it down with tea from starbucks because it's low-cal.. 

after our workout yesterday we hit up the cafe on the rio. (that's cafe rio for you not-hip people.. (as if i was any more hip..hah)) 

i ate my entire salad. 

and just when i was starting to feel  bad about throwing away my workout i looked around and what did i see?

fire fighters, cops, and millions of girls in lululemon and nike. so i ate happily. 

then today when i woke up and couldn't move my legs, i felt like eating just to spite my soreness.. 

but on the upside i had salad at Olive Garden..that counts for something right?

i'm faced with the dilemma of wanting to be a smokin hot wife someday or getting fat as soon as i get married because he claims to love me. i just don't know..

mostly, i'm just so sore peeing even hurts. i am so not okay. i promise i don't have food issues. 

synthesizing

i've been working on my synthesis paper all day. 

literally. 

with a few breaks though.. 

am i writing about obesity in children..?

sure am..

obesity in hispanic children specifically??

yes. 

did i just finish off an entire pint of peach sorbet in the process?

yea..what of it?

#foreverafatkid, #hopefullyhestilllovesme, #chubster 

also, flowers from walmart never die. but they smell like feet. 

i have this weird thing about watching heart wrenching youtube videos... 

here! lookit! i'm not sure if i cried because i think i'm all pmsy...or because i'm a baby...or it might be both.. 

when did the pursuit of happiness become a crime?

i guarantee you'll never see any of these kids interviewed on fox

11 year old american kid succinctly explains why our immigration laws and government are failing us

that last one killed me. it was awfully sad. 

here are more that i found...

childhood obesity is so sad... 

an 8 foot tall woman is destroying the entire music industry

i LOVED this one. it's was interesting

two abortion protesters 

this makes a good point.. why not put more emphasis on at-risk teens? or whichever group of women are seeking abortions. prevention is the best solution isn't it?

closets.

there are things that no on ever wants to revisit.
it's sort of like the skeleton in your closet. you know it's there, and a few others might too, but you want little to do with it. as much as you learned from it and as much as you grew from it, you almost wish it never would've happened.
curiosity truly did kill the cat. when that little voice says "hey, you're fine. reading this won't do anything.. you're already over it. NOTHING at this point can hurt you. you're over it." so...what did i do? i put myself back in November 4th and 5th. easily the hardest week emotionally, of my life.
why i did it? i dunno.. do i wish i didn't? sure did.
all it did was bring me back to the dark corner of my closet and break my insides up. again.
but really, what did i expect? warm fuzzies from something that broke me apart? it was rough and did nothing positive.

i just came to realize that it's okay. it happened. nothing is going to change the past. it sucks. but dwelling on those thoughts and feelings sucks. there is no need to go back there. especially when things are so much better now.