some days stuff just gets to me and i cant control my emotions entirely. like today. we had a veterans assembly and i knew a marine that lost his life out there.. and i've heard all the stories and everything countless times and of course when i first heard it, i cried. and today, when his step dad came to the assembly and told the story.. um. yeah. i cried. again. pfff. i thought i was okay. like my throat was getting awkwardly tight and my jaw was quivering but i THOUGHT i was okay. until austin looked over and asked if i was okay. that set it off. haha austin.. i guess i still love you:) but blehhhh. i hate crying at school. hate. it.
life is full of random little things called "decisions..." they don't sound all that fun. but i guess that they are just needed. and as a teenage girl i'm faced with 38695846298 decisions daily. i counted. it all starts off with.. do i shower tonight and curl my hairs tomorrow and be adventurous? or do i get an extra half hour and play it safe? then when it gets to getting in bed, its the constant struggle between sweats or shorts. Then morning. do i wake up now or snooze...? do i eat breakfast or run out the door? then it leads up to do i go home or go to cross country? what to do.. what to do. usually it's not that big of a deal until recently. i've noticed that due to certain decisions made, some things get lost and others gained. but i'm not sure i'm willing to loose these things. and its not like its something epic. like do i go and drink or have a movie night? but it feels almost that way. and its kinda not okay. and i do not know what to do at this point. i kinda wanna curl up and cry. again. only this time not at school ha. and i have a gut-feeling that it only gets harder as we get older. oh man, i miss the days when my mommy could fix everything with a kiss and the worst thing that could happen was your shoelace getting untied. and to think that we all couldn't wait to grow up... i guess that everything happens for a reason an due to recent events, it's just made me realize how much i love my parents. they are pretty cool and put up with me. i dunno how i'm gonna be a mom if i have a kid like me. i think i woulda sent me to boarding school by know...but they haven't yet :) and i'm not sure its cause it's pricey or cause the kitchen wouldn't ever be cleaned...
so i think that's it for this post.
-ali
Oh Miss Ali... you're pretty smart for your age and you know what's right. And it does get better. You'll make it just fine. And your right about your family - stay close to them, and they'll take care of you. :)
ReplyDeleteMiss you!
jess!! ohh my. i miss you too:)
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