loser.

so i'm officially not going to dixie,

not getting the jacket,

not sitting in front for panoramic’s,

not doing anything that i really wanted next year

why..?

because i'm a loser.

that's right. i lost. hence, making me a loser.

elections were today. and the position i wanted was multicultural rep.

dictionary.com defines "multicultural" as :of, pertaining to, or representing several different cultures or cultural elements.

it was an appointed position. all on the interview. and i thought i  did pretty well.

and i really wanted to make it. not just because of all the reasons i already mentioned, but because i think i could have done a really good job. to me, the rep should be someone who's friends with a lot of different people. not JUST the Hispanic kids who make up a large part of the minorities.

any who, and i think i'm friends with a lot of different people. i think i could have encouraged a lot of different types of people to go and do something they've never tried. but nope.

not this time..

we all got called down to the student council room to find out who made it.. they did all the jr.class first. then the reps.. and right before they got to multicultural they said "this was the hardest decision we had to make. all the people running were extremely well qualified."

then a name came out of his mouth.. and it wasn't mine..

Mimi Landeros..

not ali sanchez.

i was devastated. pretty sure i still am.

Mimi is gonna do amazing next year. She is one of the sweetest girls i know and i'm really happy she won. if it wasn't me, at least it was her:)

but regardless, i still wanted to win. really badly. so badly, i cried...

and luckily, i had a ton of friends there who were by my side giving me hugs and tellin me how much they loved me. and understood how i was feeling.

but of course there is always someone who has to make the situation that much worse.

she came up to me, while i was crying, and was like what's wrong??? are you okay???

obviously i am.. i just really like to cry at school to make people feel bad for me... NOT.

then she proceeded to ask who won.. i said her name, and she walked away.

cool...

then i cried pathetically into my locker, and swarga, a girl who i've never really talked to on the track team, came up to me and asked if i was okay with the sweetest smile on her face. i could tell she was being completely sincere:) yay for nice people in high school

then after multiple hugs from multiple people and multiple crying fits, i left the school with my two best friends.

then i got a text from another so called "best friend" and she asked how i was doing.. so i honestly answered. i was pissed. and she asked why?

so i told her.

good thing the next few texts were about how she thought mimi was the best candidate for the position. and what not.

pretty much exactly the opposite of what i wanted to hear.

nice to know you didn't want me to win.. nice to know you think i'm fake.. and can't handle the truth. nice to know..

pretty much i don't need caddy girls in my life totally bashing me thirty minutes after they saw me break down.

completely random kids who i've never held an actual conversation with gave me hugs and asked me  if i was okay, and one of my best friends totally rips on me? yea. see ya.

i don't need negative people like you.

peace out girl scout.

in medicine, a clean break is always the best way to go.

it heals much faster and is a lot less painful for the recipient of the break.

and after losing two MAJOR things this week, and it being spring break,

i feel like it's my clean break.

i don't see jake for the next who knows how long..

and i don't see anyone who i don't wanna see for at least the next 9 days.

clean break.

now, i intend to lead my pathetic-ness to a movie marathon with me, myself and i.

clean break.

cry for few more hours. get it all out of my system, because the mvhs student body has seem me cry twice in one week...

clean break...

now there's nothing left to worry about.. no stud. co,... no boyfriend...:( no um.. well.. nothing...

pfffff.

fml.

yes.

DAY 13: why blog?

i blog simply becasue i can't write as fast as i can type. it's my online journal. and this way i can say whatever i feel like and no one has the right to be offended because it's my journal, and no one has to read it.