uhmm.. are you talking to me...?

so yesterday, at church we had one of those lessons where you just don't want to listen to. 

maybe it was just me. 

but after hearing the same thing over and over again, you'd think we'd get the point. 

we all have a mission here. 

no one can do it better then we can. 

we are all children of our Heavenly Father. 

mmk. got it. 

normally, this all makes sense to me. it clicks and gives me warm fuzzies.

but lately, there's been something off... 

could it be that there somewhere is something more...? 

i know there's a God. 

i know he's out there... 

and listens to me. 

but he knows that we're all different right?

and if we're all different, then why is there only 1 true church for all 7 billion people on earth...?

could it be possible that all 7 billion people here have something in common? 

or are there other ways that we can acknowledge the Lord and have it be ok? 

there isn't a correct way to love, so is there a correct way to worship? 

i don't wanna come off like i doubt the church.. but i can't help think that the main reason i'm still in the church is because everyone else is... just kinda going with the flow. 

and usually, everything makes sense. i've had prayers answered. i've been comforted. i've found answers in the scriptures. i've seen the hand of the Lord in my life. but i can't help but wonder what all is out there...

i feel stuck in a mormon bubble.. and i wanna really see what i know. 

when i was little, my dad was crazy active in the church and then we moved and other things took priority.

i don't want to make it sound like my dad is some horrible person because he's not. he's the greatest daddy anyone could ever ask for. he's boss. i would never ever trade him. 

but if someone that was that strong into the church can fall away... is there something more?

the things that the church tells us are legit. 

like word of wisdom. 

don't drink. 

okay. you get fat, and do stupid things when you're drunk. 

don't chew.

mmk. that's just gross. 

don't do drugs. 

duh. that's illegal. 

and be modest. 

don't be a slut. 

mmk. all those make sense. 

but ugh. i feel like i'm trying to justify everything in a worldly way. 

Agnostic.

 a person who holds that the existence of the ultimate cause,as god, and the essential nature of things are unknown and unknowable, or that human knowledge is limited to experience.

ok. so there is a God. i know that. 

New Age Religion. 

Bits and pieces of philosophical ideas all mushed into one thing called 'religion.' um no.. not for me. 

I dunno. i just wanna know that i'm mormon because it's the right thing for me. not because it's what my parents are. and what everyone around me is. and what's expected from me. 

hellllllp...