sweet victories.

and the first day of my last year at UVU begins in a few hours.
there is no way in hell that i'm really a SOPHOMORE in freaking COLLEGE. friend applications are now being accepted. this is so crazy. UVU is sort of like my own personal hell. i hate it there but there's something so exciting about almost being done.

• i have to have a meeting with my major advisor at the U this semester
• i apply for GRADUATION on the 5th of October 
• i apply for ADMISSIONS in January (possibly housing too) 
• i hear back by may
• then i cry. tears of excitement.  no other option. 

it's all coming together so nicely i cannot wait to see what's coming up next.

i feel as if i am finally at peace with myself. with most aspects of my life.
religion wise, i'm still quite not sure the mormon church is where i am meant to be. i know there's something out there that's much bigger than i am, whether that be God or the universe i acknowledge it. i know prayer is real. and whatever out there hears and loves me.

" Some say that heaven's far away..but I feel it close around me as I pray." 

we not me..

i went car shopping today. 

and i'm excited to be driving this new baby around..

i guess it's really not a baby. it's a mini SUV. but when i saw it, i sort of fell in love. i feel a little taken advantage of because it's not what i had my heart set on, or what i intended on spending either. i realistically wanted to stay under $7500. they had a red beetle that was $6500 but it wasn't in the lot. they made me feel like they were really listening to me and like he really wanted to sell me something i would love. and i mean i do love this car but i am missing petunia already.. a lot actually. but now, i'm $10,000.00 in debt.. and somehow have to try and save a total of $2500.00 for the big move to salt lake in a year. 

when i went into the dealership i guess i was only thinking of myself. i wanted this car. because i drive around a junker that doesn't start. i need this...

and even though i'm in love with this, was it really worth going to bed angry for? not really... 

oh wait..

sometimes when i read other blogs and they're all sappy and oooey-gooey the judgey side of me rears it's ugly face and thinks "puuuhleeease. your future? you JUST graduated. you're future is getting a crappy part-time and getting smacked in the face with the harsh realities of finals week"  but then in a split second i remember "oh wait.. i've had that talk and made those plans.." and my heart can't help but ache for this sweet girl. i feel so lucky in a way because i'm home. i'm close to one of the most important people in my life right now. we don't have to play long distance and i love it.

come what may and love it right?

mrs.

i always swore i would never ever be that girl who was crazy excited to get married. of course I would be once it came around, once I got that Tiffany's rock on my finger but not before then. even if that meant waiting years and years for him to come around, i'd be okay with that. but the more I think about it, the more I open my mind, the more and more excited I get for a wedding that isn't even in the works. the thought of waking up every single morning to the person you love sounds amazing. maybe it's just the utah county girl in me but i can't wait. or maybe it's because pinterest is full of wedding dresses and this sorta stuff, i can't help to be so excited to someday be a mrs. and then again it might be my enraged ovaries blogging here.

because i'm creepy and love it. 

whirl wind

powell was great. 

i now look like an orphan that could be adopted for two dollars a day. 

for not having the dynamic duo of jason and jackie, we fended for ourselves pretty well. the night that stands out the most was wednesday night. costa for dinner night. hay hay and muggs were on the boat, the kitchen was the cool place to hang out at, and 12 inch whispers went out the window. it gave me a sneak peak into what married with children life would be like. over all, it was a hell of away to start the end of summer. a week with the best bitches out there? yes please. 

my best friend leaves in 8 days... 

i feel weird about it..i think it's really starting to hit me. i cannot tell you how many times i've gone to send a butt face snapchat to kels and then go "wait..she's gone..." and now britt's leaving., 

 classes start in 3 weeks and 6 days. i accepted my scholarship and have to take my letter in to "Formally Accept" it. the tuition deadline is in 15 days. lets hope i don't get screwed. i also need clothes...and a car...and books...sigh

i got home from powell close to 10 pm, and guess who was at my door not even half hour after? the boy:) whenever i leave, i leave to places where i have no service so i can't talk to him for a week at a time. when he leaves, he goes to civilized places where we still talk. it was sort of the best thing ever when i opened my door and there he was. i was officially home. 

i got an email from Elder Snow,  a letter from Hermana Carlson and i'm still meaning to write Mark and Meg.. 

life just keeps on commin and some days i just want to curl up in a ball and sleep..

i don't leave because there's a 14 year old who wakes up crying asking if it'll all be okay.

i only respect you because you raised me. not because you deserve it. 

this isn't supposed to happen this way. they did everything right and yet it's falling apart.

and there's nothing i can do except watch helplessly. 

because it's summer.

when summer comes along...

1. people decide to go on missions. 

like kelsey. one of my best friends since the 7th grade when we were both awkward and weird. Now after years of running cross, we're grown up and still really awkward and prolly even more weird.
 

we like to pretend that we got normal.

lies. it 's all a lie. 

2. it was the 4th of july! and why the heck to we even call it the fourth?? it's not like we call christmas the 25th of december. Ya dig??? anyways, me britt jade and shayla went and played on the parade route. it was hot and sticky all night. but it was an adventure for sure. then on the actual day, tay came over after i got off work and we watched hunger games! then he brushed my hairs, and i tried to get ready then we got food and watched fireworks with his fam bam. and my pal Krew was there. he's the only baby who's still cute when he's sticky...which is often.

3. I'm making efforts to refriend my old friends. 

 4. i'm being a savy shopper and going to 4th of july sales because i'm poor.. 

5. i went tubing down provo river with these cool cats!

it was most definitely one hell of an adventure.

it was 100 degrees when we got there. 

it was a hurricane when we got off the river half way through. 

shaunie and i thought we were going to die.